Off Camera
by Anywonder
Summary: Scenes that we don't see on screen but I imagine to happen - sorry for the lack of updates. TWO NEW CHAPTERS - Aaron discusses his feelings for Jackson with Paddy before the train crash night out, Aaron's nightmares after the accident. PLEASE REVIEW x
1. Chapter 1

Thank God for that!

It had been a flaming long week, Jackson thought as he loaded his tools into the van. Declan had really put the pressure on with the building work and to be fair, his mind hadn't really been on the job since he started working in the village – too many distractions – well, one in particular. So he'd had to knuckle down in order to be ready for the plasterer and electrician.

To try and get back on track, Jackson had decide to put a few hours in on Saturday morning but now it was lunch time and it was time to go home and get ready. He was looking forward to a good night out and a long lazy lie in on Sunday with his boyfriend.

Boyfriend. He smiled at the thought. If you would have told him a couple of weeks ago that he'd be calling Aaron his boyfriend he would have laughed. It was his own feelings that had worn him down in the end as it became more difficult to stay mad at Aaron and to ignore him when he was working so closely to him. They had both been angry with Adam for interfering at first but as it happens, it had done them both a favour.

They had cleared the air, both saying their piece, and shared their first real kiss which had quickly developed into their first night together. Jackson was surprised how fast things had changed and how Aaron had reacted the morning after. Jackson was unsure how he would be greeted when he woke but was pleasantly surprised. Granted Aaron was a bit off'ish at first but once they had faced Paddy, he seemed to relax and even told his mum what was going on.

Throughout the week, they had seen each other but work had got in the way and Aaron had got frustrated when Jackson couldn't slope off to the pub for lunch or had to work late. But instead of sulking, Aaron had turned up with mugs of tea when he was on a break, helped with some of the clearing up and even taken to exchanging some flirty text messages which only made Jackson look forward to spending time with him even more.

There had only been one incident when they were sitting on the steps enjoying their brew in the afternoon sunshine. Shadrack had turned up and tried to apologise to Aaron for the remarks he had made about him being gay but Aaron was having none of it. He quickly cut the old man off with a scathing attack that forced Jackson to intervene.

"Right, that's enough", Jackson had warned as Shadrack walked away quite visibly upset and dejected.

"Why should I forgive him after what he's said to me" asked Aaron

"Because sometimes, when you forgive someone, it can change everything for the better", Jackson replied.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, if I hadn't forgiven you for all your nonsense, we wouldn't be sitting here now and you wouldn't have made me a brew" explained Jackson.

Aaron considered this for a second and sheepishly looked at Jackson. "Point taken, he said. "I'll have a word when I see him and put things right."

Jackson couldn't believe how quickly the situation had been diffused and now he was looking forward to them spending more days and nights together without so much drama.

He closed the van door and looked up the road towards the Woolie. Aaron had said he was going to meet Adam for a drink if he fancied it and Jackson was tempted but decided to go home and tidy up the flat as they had planned to stay at Jackson's that night. It was the first time Aaron had been round, and Jackson wanted everything to be just right so he climbed into the driver's seat and headed out of the village smiling to himself at the thought of the night ahead.


	2. Chapter 2

Aaron wished he hadn't have bothered coming. From the minute Adam had arrived in the pub, he and his sister had been moaning and trying to outdo each other with their sob stories.

"I don't understand what you have got to moan about, Hols. All you've put mum and dad through and you get a holiday. Me, I get confined to the farm grafting while you go to the seaside!" Adam protested.

"Oh, that's right. Blame me, it's all my fault. Don't you think I feel bad enough? I mean is this what I have to look forward to for the rest of my life, pot washer at the Woolpack and being under lock and key at home. " Holly replied

Thank god I came out, thought Aaron as he listened to the siblings. He couldn't remember Holly whinging this much when they were going out but this constant bickering was driving him mad. His mobile beeped and he took it from his pocket, welcoming the distraction. Jackson's name flashed up on the screen along with an envelope. He opened the text message.

See you outside Bar West at 7. Can't wait. Jx.

Aaron smiled and his stomach did a somersault. It wasn't the Bartons doing his nut in. It was the fact the day wasn't going anywhere near quick enough for him. He was finally going to get some real time with Jackson. They had planned to hit the bar for a few drinks, grab a bite to eat and then back to Jackson's flat. "Bring your toothbrush" Jackson had said and Aaron was only too happy to oblige.

He'd only come to the pub because he was roaming around the house, checking the clock and had started to get annoyed with himself. Calm down, he kept saying. It's only a date. Who was he kidding? He debated going to Community Payback to kill a few hours but then decided against it in case it put him in a bad mood. He didn't want anything to spoil tonight.

"Oy smiley, are you with us?" Adam asked bring him back to reality.

"Sorry, miles away. What were you saying?"

"Holly was asking what you were up to later."

"Why?" Aaron asked immediately going on the defensive. He may be looking forward to his 'date' but he wasn't to tell the rest of the village about it!

"I've got the night off but I can't spend another night in front of the TV with the folks. Adam's on a promise so him and Scarlett aren't around…

"I'm not on a promise" Adam interjected. " it's just we don't get Scarlett's place to ourselves very often so she's cooking me dinner, just the two of us…"

"And your looking forward to afters eh" ribbed Holly. "Dad might let me off the leash if I'm out with you Aaron and Adam said he thought you and Jackson were going into town. I really need to get out of here for the night so can I tag along?"

"Erm… well…. Erm". Aaron struggled to find the right words. Well, he knew what he wanted to say – NO! And if he had felt more comfortable, he would have said two's company and all that Holly but instead he said…

"Yeah if you want."

"Great stuff. The folks will be ok with me going out if they know I'm with you and you'll return me safe and sound."

All the excitement he'd been feeling about the evening vanished. Why had he said yes? Not only was she going to be tagging along but he's also have to bring her back to the village which meant Jackson's planned sleep over had also gone out of the window. The only thing he felt now was dread because he was dreading explaining to Jackson how their plans had changed.


	3. Chapter 3

Jackson got to Bar West at 6.45pm. He was early but couldn't help it. He debated waiting around the corner and walking to the bar when he saw Aaron approach, not wanting to freak him out by being too keen, but decided sod it, I'm here so I might as well stay.

He saw Aaron coming down the street wearing jeans, a white t-shirt and his bomber jacket. He looked good and Jackson wondered how long he'd be able to resist before dragging him back to the flat. He saw a brunette walking alongside Aaron and immediately recognised her as Aaron's ex-girlfriend. He looked at Aaron with a quizzical look and mouthed "what the hell?"

Aaron had been trying to work out how to explain Holly's presence to Jackson ever since he left the pub. His reason sounded more and more feeble every time he thought of it. He knew Jackson would be disappointed and hurt that Aaron couldn't just be honest and say he had a date with his boyfriend but it was still early days for Aaron.

He had debated ringing Jackson to give him advance warning but was worried he would cancel the night altogether. Having Holly there with Jackson was better than no Jackson at all.

"I'm sorry" Aaron mouthed back.

"Hiya", Holly said, "thanks for letting me tag along. Things aren't so good at home."

"No worries" Jackson replied and tried to catch Aaron's eye. "So where shall we start?"

"How about that new bar down the road" Aaron quickly suggested. He couldn't face being in a gay bar with his boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend. That was just too weird!

"Sounds good to me" and with that Holly set off down the road.

Aaron decided to get his apology in quick. "Look, I'm sorry about this but she backed me into a corner and I couldn't put her off."

"This is not what I had in mind for the start of our weekend together Aaron. I can't believe it's Saturday night, our first proper night out together and you bring your ex! I hope you're planning on getting rid sooner rather than later?"

"Well…"

"What?"

"I promised her dad I'd make sure she got home ok."

"I don't believe this!"

"Look, it will be ok and we've got plenty of other nights to look forward to but she's been having a rough time…"

"I'm sure she has but so have we and I was looking forward to having you all to myself for once, away from the village."

Aaron blushed and moved closer to Jackson. "Me too. Look stay at mine. I know its not what we wanted but at least we'll be together."

"We'll see, Jackson said. "I'm not sure my back can cope, wrestling with your single bed again" with half a smile.

"Thought you enjoyed it" Aaron quipped

"Just get the beers in" he said and playfully pushed Aaron into the bar.


	4. Chapter 4

They had visited a few bars and decided to head to a club. Holly had been happily chatting to Jackson, even joking with him about her own relationship with Aaron and Jackson seemed to take it in good spirits. But not Aaron. The longer the night went on, the more Aaron grew annoyed with himself for getting them into this mess.

Jackson headed to the bar

"What we having?"

"Vodka and coke for me please, replied Holly before she let out a squeal. "Roz" she shouted spotting her friend.

"I'll have a beer" Aaron said watching to see where Holly was heading. His face dropped when he spotted Holly's wayward friend. Great, that's all we need he thought.

Jackson was leaning against the bar waiting to be served, Aaron stood behind him. The bar was rammed and it was going to take forever to be served.

"And what can I get for you?" the barman asked Jackson

Aaron's head swung round. How had he got the barman's attention so soon? There were loads of people waiting to get served, most of which had been there before the builder. He looked at the barman. He'd seen him before.

"Two buds and a vodka and coke mate please"

"Coming right up. This isn't your usual haunt is it? I'm sure I've seen you in Bar West before,"

"yeah, we go in there", said Jackson. He knew the barman was trying to chat him up but he wasn't interested and avoided making eye contact or any further conversation.

Aaron though had clocked every word. Cheeky sod, chatting up my boyfriend he raged. But then was Aaron really acting like a boyfriend. He'd not so much as touched Jackson all night for fear of what Holly would say or think. Why wouldn't Jackson get chatted up if someone thought he was available. And who could blame them. Jackson looked gorgeous in his grey shirt and jeans, his cross and chain resting against his chest. The earlier excitement Aaron had felt resurfaced but he was still angry at himself and now the persistent barman.

"Do you need a hand" Aaron asked Jackson.

"No, I'm all good, he replied, handing Aaron his beer and moving away from the bar.

"Sure you don't need a minute alone" Aaron added sarcastically but immediately regretted it. Why be arsey with Jackson when all of tonight was his own fault.

"it wasn't me who brought my ex! Look ignore him, I have. I'm with who I want to be with. OK?"

"Ok"

Jackson started telling Aaron a funny story to try a diffuse the tension but Aaron cut him off having heard it before, conscious of the barman still hovering and desperately trying to stop himself jumping the bar and smacking him. Because that would really help matters!

Holly's friend Roz suddenly appeared. "Aaron, Holly's not well

"What? Why? Where is she" Aaron asked

"She's in the toilet, you need to come quick"

No, this is on you mate, said Jackson. "I hate people being sick"

"No, she's not sick. She's just freaking out," explained Roz as she headed for the ladies

Roz got to the ladies and started to walk into the loos but Jackson stopped her.

"Whoa, whoa, we can't go in there. You'll need to bring her out" said Jackson

"Well I can't. She's locked in the cubicle. She's just said she can't breathe and she's upset, "Roz cried

Aaron barged into the ladies. "Holly! Look you two, do one now!" he told two girls touching up their lippy.

He banged on the door but got no response. "Holly, open the door!"

"Holly just open the door, quick before the manager comes or summat. And if you've got any stuff, flush it" Roz implored

"Hang on a minute, what do you mean? Why? What has she taken?" Aaron shouted at Roz

Now it was Jackson's turn to pound on the door. "Come on, get the door open. We can't help you stuck in there."

Aaron couldn't believe this was happening. What a nightmare.

"Holly, just move away from the door right, I'm going to kick it in….Holly" and Aaron did just that.

Holly was huddled in the corner crying and mumbling to herself

Aaron went to her and picked her up off the floor, carrying her out of the cubicle. "You'll be alright, Holly. We just need to get you home" he said trying to calm her down.

Jackson watched in awe at how Aaron had taken control and was helping his friend. A small pang of jealously hit him, just like it had with Aaron when the barman chatted him up, and Jackson frowned at his own insecurity.

"We need to get her home" Jackson suggested.

"Her dad will kill me if I take her back like this. I'll have to take her to Paddy's" Aaron explained before turning to Roz. "If you've got any sense you'll stay away from the village from now on."

And with that Aaron carried a sobbing Holly out of the club, with Jackson following closely behind. Once outside, Jackson hailed a cab and they piled in, Holly clinging to Aaron for all she was worth.


	5. Chapter 5

The cab pulled up outside Smithy Cottage and Aaron dragged Holly out of the car and to her feet. Draping her arm around his shoulders, he led her into the kitchen and sat her at the kitchen table.

Jackson spoke to the cabby and then followed them into the house.

"I've told the taxi driver to wait" he explained.

Aaron looked at him puzzled. "I thought you were staying over."

"Looks like you've got your hands full tonight," Jackson explained

Aaron looked at him, gutted how the night had turned out. "I couldn't send her home like this. Her dad will go mad"

"I still think we should have taken her to hospital,"

"I can't make her go, can I? And I can't exactly trust her flaky mate to take her either."

Holly lifted her head from the table. "Please don't tell Paddy", was all she could manage.

"Shut up then, or you'll wake him", Aaron hissed at her. He couldn't believe what she had done to herself or the position she had put him and Jackson in.

He turned back to Jackson. "I'll text her dad off her phone and tell him she's staying at Roz's", he explained. He looked into Jackson's eyes, so concerned for Aaron and Holly. How the hell had this night turned out like this. "Sorry" he said and absolutely meant it.

Jackson could see how worried Aaron was and although he was disappointed, he didn't want to add to his worries. "Don't worry about me, he said light heartedly. "You're the one who won't be getting any sleep tonight… and for all the wrong reasons."

Aaron sighed. "She will be ok won't she?" he asked looking at his friend.

"Look just keep an eye on her, don't take any of her nonsense and if she gets any worse, wake up Paddy fast. Right?" Jackson felt guilt for leaving but he knew Aaron would have enough on his plate with Holly without worrying about if he was ok.

Aaron said ok and Jackson headed for the front door.

As he moved away, Aaron reached for his arm to stop him. Neither said a word but looked intensely into each other's eyes. Jackson had wanted to say a proper goodnight to Aaron. Kissing him was all he had thought about all night but with Holly in the room, he was worried Aaron would freak out – whether she was conscious or not. But the way Aaron had wrapped his fingers around his arm, Jackson knew that neither of them were bothered about the company. They moved closer together, lips within an inch of each other and the frustration of their night together causing an electricity in the room that they could both sense.

"I think I'm gonna be sick," Holly moaned.

Aaron rolled his eyes. She's killed the evening, why not the mood, he thought. Jackson smiled and winked at him. "I'll call you in the morning," he said and with that, went to catch the waiting cab.

Holly looked up at Aaron and whimpered "I'm so sorry."

Not half as much as I am, Aaron thought.


	6. Chapter 6

Aaron had a restless night. Sleeping on the floor was never going to be fun but added to that, he kept waking up what seemed like every few minutes to check on Holly who was sprawled out on his bed. Then when he did close his eyes, all he thought about was Jackson and the night he should have had. It didn't make for a restful night.

How the hell did I end up on the floor, he thought to himself. At lunch time, he was daydreaming about a night out and then back to Jackson's place – a whole evening without be worried about being seen by someone they know, waiting for Paddy to come home or keeping the noise down in case he heard them in the bedroom. Just to have the opportunity to relax and enjoy each other without the implications of the village breathing down their necks, to be totally free to explore how they felt about each other was something that Aaron had been thinking about all week.

And yet he was sleeping on the floor, Holly was in his bed and Jackson had gone home alone. Was he awake thinking about me, Aaron wondered. The thought of Jackson lying in his bed was too much for Aaron and he sat up to check on Holly for the umpteenth time that night.

Silly cow, he thought. Taking drugs was bad enough but lines of coke was madness. Was this the first time? If not, why had Adam not warned him? Her mate was no better and Aaron looked forward to the day when he came face to face with her again. He knew how drugs could affect people and was so ashamed at his own involvement in the drug scene but coke. He'd never gotten further than the rare E to make the night buzz. As a small time dealer for a local gangster, he had laughed at the desperation of the users but seeing Holly tonight was no laughing matter. She was his friend and his best mate's sister and he didn't want to see her spiral out of control like the others he had seen.

Adam. What would I say to him? How do I explain this, Aaron thought. After Adam had stood by him throughout the past few months, saved his life no less, the thought of lying to his best friend made him feel sick.

He looked at Holly. She was in a deep slumber, hopefully sleeping off the after effects of her drug induced state. He was so mad at her and he would tell her just how much in the morning once he had figured out how to explain her presence to Paddy.

Holly left Smithy Cottage about 11am, insisting that she could find her own way home despite her obvious state. Paddy had been his usual amiable self although Aaron had caught the surprise on his face when Holly and Aaron had appeared in the kitchen and the quizzical look he gave Aaron. The last unexpected guest they had early in the morning in the kitchen was Jackson and now Aaron's ex-girlfriend had spent the night. Luckily Paddy brought Holly's story and agreed to cover for her but it wasn't easy.

Once she had left, Aaron jumped in the shower to try and wake himself up but he was shattered from the night before. "You're the one who won't be getting any sleep tonight… and for all the wrong reasons," Jackson had said and he wasn't far wrong, Aaron thought.

When he got back to his bedroom, Aaron lay on the bed and reached for his mobile to call Jackson.

"Hiya, how's Holly" Jackson asked hearing Aaron's voice

"Sheepish! She was a bit worried about what reception she was going to get when she got home but I told her, she was stupid enough to take that crap so…"

"What did Paddy say?"

"We said she was drunk and he agreed to cover but I feel terrible putting him in that position. You ought to have seen his face when we came downstairs this morning. He couldn't figure out what was going on, expecting to see you not Holly."

"Thought you'd gone back to the dark side, did he?" Jackson joked. "And did you?"

"She had the bed, I had the floor", Aaron explained. "The only person I was planning to spend last night with was you, ya muppet."

"Glad to hear it, Jackson laughed. "So much for Sunday morning in bed though."

"Well, there is still the afternoon, Aaron replied. "I can be there in half an hour." And with that Aaron chucked on some clothes and ran to get the bus into town.


	7. Chapter 7

"We're booked for tonight", Jackson had said. What the hell has he got planned Aaron thought? Are we going into town, back to his, out with some of his mates? Aaron didn't like the thought of the latter. He wanted to keep Jackson all to himself for now, just until he was comfortable with the idea of the two of them together.

Jackson arrived at Smithy Cottage at 6.30pm, showered and changed into jeans, a t-shirt and checked shirt and leather jacket. He looked good and Aaron wanted to def the night out and head straight to his room but Jackson was determined that they had somewhere to be.

"Are you going to tell me where we are going, Aaron asked. "Do I need to get changed or am I alright to go like this."

Jackson laughed. "You're asking for wardrobe advice! That's got to be the gayest thing you have ever said to me."

"Shut up, Aaron retorted, giving Jackson a playful nudge. "You're the one not telling me where we are going and I want to make sure I don't embarrass you."

"Bless, how thoughtful", Jackson teased enjoying the banter and trying to avoid revealing the truth to Aaron until the very last minute.

"So where are we going"

Jackson took a deep breath. He wasn't sure how Aaron was going to react. Here goes nothing, he thought as he said: "We're going to your Mum's for tea."

"Ha ha, very funny, Aaron laughed until he looked at Jackson's face. "Are you having a laugh? My Mum's? With her and him? You've got to be kidding?"

"I ran into her in the Woolie at lunchtime and she was asking about you and I told her to ring and ask you but then she invited us round and looked so sad…"

"You're mad if you think I'm going to go round there and sit opposite that loser and my mum with you, Aaron ranted. "I can't believe you said yes."

"I didn't say yes, I said I'd ask but she looked so hopeful at the thought that I couldn't turn her down."

I don't believe this, thought Aaron. First the weekend gets ruined by a smackhead and now I'm expected to parade my boyfriend in front of my interfering mother and a bloke I can't stand.

"Well, said Jackson. "Are we going? You do owe me."

"I owe you? What for? Aaron questioned.

"Well you brought your ex-girlfriend on our first official date, she got off her face and I ended up going home alone while she slept in your bed. So you owe me!"

"That wasn't all my fault, Aaron protested but could see that Jackson wasn't going to give up on this. "So if I agree to go, we're even?"

"Not even remotely even, Jackson explained. "Our first date ruined. Me in bed alone on a Saturday night and you with a woman in your room…"

"Nothing happened, I said."

"I know but that's not going to stop me using it to get you to your mum's. Now what do you say?"

Aaron didn't want to go but looking at Jackson, he knew that if he played his face up and refused to go, it would only show him that Aaron hadn't changed and was still a hothead. Aaron didn't want that, not now they had come this far.

"I'll go but I'm not getting changed, Aaron said sulkily. "And I'm only doing this for you so if it goes tits up, you've been warned."

Jackson smiled. "You look fine, it will be fine and I'll hold your hand the whole time if that makes you feel better."

Not going at all would make me feel better Aaron though as they headed out of the front door and started to head to Chas's house.


	8. Chapter 8

They left Chas's and headed back to Smithy Cottage. With Carl storming off to the pub, they decided against the Woolie – or rather Jackson did. Aaron was quite looking forward to twisting the knife even more with Carl but Jackson had insisted that they head back. Aaron had given in and texted Ryan to let him know plans had changed and wished him a good holiday.

What a muppet, thought Aaron. Carl had stormed out, obviously pissed off his Mum. Aaron loved to get under his skin and revelled in the fact that he had wound up Carl as he hated him so much. His mum and Paddy were happy until he stuck his oar in and although Paddy had forgiven her, Aaron would never understand what she saw in such a bloke as Carl King.

They reached the top of the road and Jackson brought Aaron back to reality. "I think I'm going to head home," Jackson said.

"You what? I thought you were staying?" Aaron asked.

"I think I should go home, I wouldn't want to bore you," Jackson retorted.

"What? Is this because of what I said to Carl? I didn't mean it did I. Don't go in a mard, "Aaron replied.

"I'm not in a mard, I just think we need some space, that's all, Jackson explained.

"Why?"

"Because if I'm honest tonight has only proved to me that you are not ready to be in a relationship and that maybe this… us… isn't what you need right now"

"Where the hell has that come from? Is this your way of getting rid of me, Aaron implored. "I don't understand how I can be in your bed yesterday and now you are backing off at 90 miles an hour."

"I'm not backing off, Jackson said reaching for his hand. "I want to be with you Aaron, more than anything but how you behaved tonight makes me wonder if you're ready for this… for us."

Jackson looked to the floor. He didn't want a row but how Aaron had behaved had obviously affected his mum and Jackson yet Aaron couldn't see it which concerned Jackson. He wasn't ashamed of who he was or how he got there but couldn't say the same for Aaron.

"Don't go home; tell me what I've done… I don't understand… said Aaron. He felt as if his whole world had taken a turn for the worse but couldn't understand why. All he knew was he didn't want Jackson to go anywhere.

They walked inside Smithy Cottage and Aaron put the kettle on whilst Jackson shuffled around the kitchen with his hands in his pockets looking everywhere except at Aaron.

Aaron couldn't bear the silence anymore. "What have I done? Tell me and I'll try and put it right," he said grabbing Jackson's hand.

"I shouldn't have to tell you, Jackson replied moving his hand away. "You deliberately goaded Carl tonight. I know there is no love lost but didn't it ever occur to you to keep the peace for your mum's or my sake? Tonight, all you cared about was winding Carl up. Not me; not your mum; it was all about your hatred for Carl.

"Not once when you were having a go at him did you consider how your mum was feeling or what she would have to deal with when he got home. And what you said about us… being boring… and details of our sex life, I couldn't believe it. Especially when you are so adamant about no public displays and how I'm not to touch you in front of anyone.

"It just made me think that maybe you have some stuff to sort out before we take this any further. That maybe this is too much too soon for you."

Aaron was shell shocked. He moved towards Jackson and took hold of his arms, forcing him to look into his eyes. "I told you before I don't do anything I don't want to do and what I want to do, right now is to be with you. How can you not know that, he implored. "I know I've still got stuff to work through but I've only got this far because of you."

Jackson looked at Aaron and his resolve started to melt. He had been hurt how Aaron handled the evening – not just for himself but for Chas too. He'd heard all the stories about how she had treated Aaron and he knew that it wasn't going to be resolved overnight but the one thing he did know was how much she cared for Aaron. It was just a shame he couldn't see just how much Chas and he cared for him.

"I just need to know that at some point you'll care more about the people who care for you than those that you hate. Situations like tonight are going to happen again. I just would like to think that next time; you'll take others into consideration before you go in with your size 9s. Because as much as I want to be with you, I still need to protect myself and everything I've had to go through to become who I am. I can't lose myself to you, Aaron because if this doesn't work out, I don't know if I'll recover."

Aaron folded his arms around Jackson's waist. "I don't want you to think like that… ever. I know that I could handle things better but sometimes my head takes over where my heart needs to step in. I'm here, not planning on going anywhere… and I don't want you to either."

Aaron's whole demeanour had changed and Jackson hoped he's got the message. The way he was holding Jackson told him that he had but Jackson hoped that someday Aaron would feel that comfortable outside of the bedroom.

"So are you staying then? Aaron asked holding out his hand. Jackson knew that despite his frustration, he would be in the mechanic's bed that evening and probably the evening after as well. He accepted his hand and they walked upstairs together.

Once in Aaron's bedroom, they both undressed and climbed into the single bed. Jackson lay down on his side and Aaron lay beside him, spooning his body.

"Are we ok? Aaron asked meekly. "Are you still angry with me?"

"I'm not angry, just disappointed, Jackson replied. "I just thought we'd moved on but I think there is still stuff we need to sort if this is going to work," he added, his back still facing Aaron's chest.

Disappointed is worse than angry thought Aaron, gutted that he had provoked this sort of reaction and questioning. "This is going to work Jackson", Aaron whispered as he wrapped his arm around Jackson's waist and torso.

Jackson enveloped his hand over Aaron's. "I hope so too, he replied.


	9. Chapter 9

Their legs and arms were still entwined when they woke the next morning, despite neither of them having the best night's sleep.

Aaron had kept waking to check that Jackson was still there. He felt guilty about what Jackson had said when they got home and was worried that he would get fed up of all his moods and baggage and realise he wasn't worth the effort… just like everyone else in his life had. Well, everyone except for Paddy.

Jackson had also spent part of the night awake. Lying there with Aaron's arms around him, his body pressing against his back, Jackson knew that he had fallen for the wayward teenager much harder than he would ever had thought he could fall for anyone. But Aaron needed to work through his issues and hang-up, to accept fully his sexuality, and Jackson worried that he was adding to the stuff that Aaron had to deal with, rather than helping him with it.

When they eventually woke, there was a slight atmosphere; as if they were both tiptoeing round each other, being polite. Aaron watched as Jackson rose from the bed, wincing as he stretched.

"You ok? Aaron asked.

"Nothing a king size bed couldn't fix, Jackson replied. "Mind if I jump in the shower first?" and with that he went to the bathroom.

Aaron sighed. We were in a single bed last night and I couldn't have felt further away from you if I tried he thought to himself. He lay on the bed looking up to the ceiling, waiting for Jackson to return so he could broach the subject of their bedtime discussion.

He didn't even give Jackson the chance to get dressed. As soon as the builder came into the bedroom, wrapped in just a towel, Aaron had to say his piece.

"What you said last night, I know I can be moody and hot headed and believe me I'm working on controlling my temper. But I'm a better person because you are here and I know I'm asking a lot but I need you to be patient and to give me a chance. I need… I want you here…"

By the time he'd finished his little speech, Aaron looked so vulnerable that it took all of Jackson's strength not to drag him back to bed. Instead he walked up to him and reached his hand to the side of his face.

"You're not the only one with stuff to sort out. I've been out for years now and it's difficult for me to stand by and act like a mate in public when we're much more in private. I know you think I've got all the answers when it comes to being gay but I don't. I have the same insecurities as you so sometimes I need reassurance too. I want to be here with you but I… I still need you to make me feel wanted… I know that may sound daft but I'm still trying to figure you… and us out."

Aaron looked at Jackson and could barely breathe. He was still damp from the shower, water trickling down his sculpted torso. "You're wanted alright," he gasped and with that pulled away the towel and kissed Jackson with more passion than either of them thought possible.

By the time they had made up… twice, both were running late. Jackson for work at Declan's house and Aaron for a morning at Community Payback. Jackson hurried to get dressed as he needed to leave first while Aaron went downstairs to the kitchen.

Paddy was sitting at the kitchen table, reading the newspaper and enjoying his first coffee of the day. "Mornin', the vet said. "Was about to set Clyde on you two to get you out of your pit. Everything ok?"

"It is now, Aaron replied as he busied himself making breakfast. Jackson bounded into the kitchen.

"Morning Padster, thanks for letting me stay last night."

"No worries, you staying for breakfast?"

"Can't I'm afraid, I'm already running late so I'll be on my way, lots to do," Jackson said as he headed for the front door.

"Hold up, called Aaron. He walked to the doorway where Jackson was standing, his one hand hovering over the door latch. "You can't work all morning on nowt so take this." Wrapped in silver foil was two slices of toast.

Jackson looked at the foil package and then back at Aaron. "Thanks, erm… see you later then."

"Yeah, see you later. I'll text you when I get back from Community Playschool." Then Aaron did something that not only shocked Paddy but completely took Jackson by surprise.

Aaron kissed Jackson… on the lips… in the kitchen…in front of Paddy.

And it wasn't just a peck like you'd give your Nan on a Sunday but a proper 'goodbye boyfriend' kiss.

As Aaron's lips left Jackson's, their eyes met. Aaron could see by the glint in Jackson's eye that he was smiling. And with that the builder left for work.

Aaron turned to look at Paddy, still staring at him open mouthed. "Stop catching flies, Paddy, he ordered. "It's no big deal, just making the effort that's all."

"Makes no odds to me, Paddy responded. "As long as you are both happy and you don't start necking on the sofa while I'm sitting there."


	10. Chapter 10

Although they had made up, Aaron still couldn't stop thinking about Jackson while he was at Community Payback. If he was a woman, I'd only have to buy her a bunch of flowers, make a grand gesture, and then I know all would be forgiven, Aaron thought to himself. But what grand gesture was going to make things up to Jackson?

He looked up from the fence he was painting, his back aching from the manual labour. If Aaron didn't kill their relationship, the single bed would, he laughed to himself.

That's it… the grand gesture… he decided.

Aaron finished his payback shift and headed back to the village. His first stop was the café to use the computer and it didn't take him long to find exactly what he was looking for and at the right price.

Next he texted Paddy and told him what he was planning to do. It was Paddy's house after all. Within minutes, an envelope flashed on his mobile. Fine by me was all it said but was just the answer Aaron was looking for.

He headed to Declan's, taking with him a sandwich from the café as he knew Jackson wouldn't have time to stop for lunch.

He found Jackson in what would be the master bedroom. "Hiya, he said. "How's it going?"

"OK, ta, Jackson replied still working. "How was playschool?"

"Not too bad now that numpty Wayne has gone. I brought you a sandwich. Didn't think you'd get chance to have a lunch hour."

Jackson stopped what he was doing. "Are you trying to fatten me up? The best way to a man's heart is through his stomach and all that, he joked, taking the sandwich.

"I'll have it if you don't want it, Aaron teased. "Anyway I'm trying to butter you up."

"Why? What have you done?"

"I need to borrow your van this after. Any chance?" asked Aaron

"What do you need it for?"

"Well I can't tell you but you're going to love it, Aaron replied with a smirk using Jackson's own words to get his way.

"OK but don't wreck it, I need it for my livelihood. What time will you be back?"

"I should only be a couple of hours or so. Meet me at mine when you are finished," Aaron said smiling to himself.

"What are you up to? Jackson asked as he tossed the keys to Aaron.

"You'll see."

Three hours later Aaron pulled up outside Smithy Cottage, so excited with his surprise that he was almost embarrassed. When had he gone from a hotheaded bad boy to a mushy loved-up wuss? Loved up – that told Aaron all he needed to know. He wouldn't, couldn't tell Jackson yet but he knew for definite and he hoped that his 'grand gesture' would get them back on track.

Jackson turned up a little later, shattered from his busy day. He was about to knock on the cottage door when Aaron bounded out.

"Brought her back in one piece then", Jackson asked.

"Yep, just need help unloading"

"You're kidding me. I haven't stopped all day and now you want me to lug whatever it is you've got in the back of here. Nice one!"

"Stop moaning like a girl and just open the back of the van", Aaron said.

Jackson pulled open the double doors and looked into the van.

There, folded almost in half to fit it in the cab was a double mattress. Underneath was the slats that would eventually create a double bed for Aaron's room that he would share with the man he loved.

"Its not a king size, Aaron explained. "But it was the best that I could do. Thought your old limbs could use all the help they could get."

Jackson turned to him and smiled: "Well, let's get this thing upstairs and try it out then."

"We've got to build it first, Aaron explained.

The two men reached into the back of the van, pulling at the mattress. As their arms touched side by side, so did their faces and hidden from prying eyes by the van doors, they kissed.

"I don't care as long as I get to share it with you", Jackson replied.


	11. Chapter 11

Aaron walked home from Adele's house warming party, still shell shocked from the evening's events. First Holly has stolen Scarlett's purse and then when he had come clean to Adam, his best mate had gone off at him for not grassing her up sooner.

When did all this become my fault, Aaron asked himself. He trudged up the road back towards Smithy Cottage. Jackson had warned him to tell Adam and in hindsight, he was right. By not telling Adam about what had happened the week before, it had only made telling him about tonight even worse. He still couldn't figure out why he had felt the brunt of Adam's temper though.

Aaron wished Jackson had been there for his to talk it through with. It was a knack he had of stepping outside of a situation and seeing it from all sides. He'd been invited to the house warming but was already out on a mate's leaving do so couldn't make it. Besides, he said: "Just because we're together, we don't need to be in each other's pockets all the time. You go out with your mates and I'll go out with mine."

He pulled his mobile out of his pocket and looked at the screen, his thumb hovering over the keypad. Aaron wanted to ring him, to tell him what happened and to sound off. He knew that Jackson would then reason with him, discuss both sides of the story and show him the way forward.

Aaron put the phone back in his pocket. He wouldn't ring him; he didn't want to spoil his night. He'd have to deal with this one himself he decided. But just as he did, his phone rang and he smiled when he looked at the screen and saw who the incoming call was from. Jackson.

"Hiya, it's me, you ok? He asked. "How's the party?"

"Alright, erm… yeah I'm ok. I'm just on the way home."

"How come? Its only quarter past eight. Were you missing me that much?" he teased

"Yeah, right", Aaron responded.

"What's happened?" Jackson enquired. He could tell by Aaron's tone that something wasn't right.

"Nowt, don't worry about it" Aaron said not wanting to burden Jackson with his troubles.

"Aaron?" Jackson obviously concerned.

"I grassed up Holly to Adam 'cos she stole Scarlett's purse to buy some gear and he went off at me" Aaron blurted out, relieved to get it off his chest.

"What? If she's stealing to feed a habit than its worse than we thought, mate. Adam was really pissed then?"

"You could say that!"

"Well, I'm sure he'll calm down. He probably more angry at Holly than you but lashed out at you 'cos you're his mate," Jackson reasoned.

"I hope so."

"You and him have been through too much to fall out because you're both worried about Holly. I'm sure it will get sorted. Do you want to come into town to us?"

"Nah, I'm not in the mood. You have a good night and I'll see you tomorrow."

"You sure? OK well, do me a favour. Don't sit there brooding over this will you. It will be ok."

"I won't."

"Yeah, right! See you later" and with that Jackson hung up and Aaron continued his journey home.

Aaron got back to the cottage and slumped on the sofa, trying to get his head around the night's events and debating going into town. He didn't want to highjack Jackson's night but he really needed to see him. Come on Aaron, he scolded, sort yourself out!

The phone rang. It was Paddy.

"Hello it's me, just wanted to let you know that I won't be back till late. I've got a horse in foal."

"Ok, no worries."

"Everything alright? You sound fed up. You and Jackson haven't had a row have you?" the vet enquired.

"No, we're fine. He's in town on a leaving do. Just had a rubbish night, that's all."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Maybe tomorrow."

Paddy knew better than to push it. "Well, ring me on the moby if you need me" and with that he hung up.

Aaron sat there, lost in his own thoughts, for god knows how long but was brought back to reality by a knock at the front door.

Still in his own world, he opened the front door and was shocked to see Jackson standing there.

"What are you doing here", Aaron asked.

"I was bored so thought I'd stop by"

"Liar" Aaron replied

"I was worried about you. I could tell you were upset and I didn't want you to sit here mulling it over and making it ten times worse."

Aaron smiled. "Get in here", he said grabbing Jackson by the hand and pulling him in for a kiss.

"Do you want to talk about it or shall I order a takeaway while you pick a DVD?"

"Not sure there is anything more to say so a takeaway and DVD sounds good" Aaron decided. He watched Jackson as he took charge. "Thanks, he said suddenly.

"What for?" Jackson asked.

"Just stuff, Aaron replied, feeling embarrassed but so chuffed that Jackson was there.

Paddy came in late, shattered from his busy day.

He saw Jackson's van on the drive. I thought he said he was out on the town, he thought. Better make a discreet entrance he decided, chuckling to himself at his double entendre and then feeling guilty for thinking of a joke that could be disrespectful to Aaron.

Paddy opened the door and looked into the lounge. There were no lights on but the TV was still playing. He wondered what he would find, as he walked into the house not wanting to find the lads in a compromising position.

He looked at the sofa and smiled. Jackson was half sitting, half lying at the end of the sofa with Aaron leaning against his chest. Jackson had his arm wrapped across Aaron's chest protectively. Both were fast asleep.

Paddy looked at Aaron's face. He sounded stressed and down on the phone but now, asleep in his lover's arms, Paddy had never seen him look so peaceful. A lump came to Paddy's throat. After everything him and Aaron had been through, it was a relief to see that he had found someone that he felt comfortable with.

He switched the TV off and retreated out of the room. Why disturb them when they were obviously so comfortable in each other's arms.


	12. Chapter 12

Paddy locked the surgery door and sighed. It hadn't been a bad day but nevertheless he wasn't in the greatest of moods. He'd been like it for the past couple of days and it didn't matter what he did, he couldn't shake it. He'd even snapped at Pearl over something or nothing which was not like him.

He made his way into the house, not really sure on what he was going to do that evening, and heard voices in the living room.

"The woman's mental, Jackson said. "Absolutely nuts! How the hell is she going to be a landlady? She's barely human."

Aaron laughed. "I can't believe she told you off. Wish I'd have been there."

"Well, I'm glad you weren't, you'd have gone ballistic."

"Thanks very much", Aaron said playfully tapping Jackson's arm.

"Now don't be starting. You know it will only end in tears. Yours!" Jackson joked and grabbed Aaron's arm, tickling his side.

"Right, if that's how it's going to be." Aaron shifted on the settee and started to tickling and play fighting with Jackson.

Paddy walked into to find Jackson lying on his back with Aaron straddling him. Aaron had caught hold of both Jackson's wrists and was tormenting a squirming Jackson with his free hand.

"Don't mind me" Paddy said. Both lads turned to look at him, not realising he was there until they heard him speak. Aaron released Jackson's hands and sat up on the settee.

"Evening. Good day?" Aaron enquired, straightening himself up.

"Alright" replied the vet and he turned to leave the room.

"Jackson's going to cook for us tonight. His famous chilli apparently. You up for it?" Aaron asked.

"Yeah whatever"

Aaron looked at Jackson and pulled a face. He jumped up off the settee and went to the doorway where Paddy was hovering.

"You ok mate?" he asked concerned.

"I'm fine" Paddy replied but Aaron could see he wasn't his usual self. "When we eating then?"

"As soon as he's shown me where everything is in the kitchen" Jackson interrupted as he made his way to the door, grabbing Aaron's arm as he went. "Come on you."

The lads entered the kitchen and hearing the TV change channel, Jackson whispered to Aaron: "Is he ok? It's not because I'm here is it? I can make myself scarce if he's getting sick on me being here."

"Don't be daft. You know Paddy's sound and as long as I'm happy you're here, so is he."

Jackson smiled and slipped his arms round Aaron's waist. "And are you?" he asked.

"You know I am so stop being soppy and get on with the dinner" and with that he planted a quick kiss on Jackson's lips and headed back into the living room to find out what was wrong with Paddy.

He found Paddy in front of the TV but he was not really watching it.

"Have I done something to annoy you? Or has Jackson? Aaron asked.

"No, of course not. What makes you ask that?"

"You just don't seem your normal self, whatever that is" Aaron replied, nudging his arm. "You sure I've not done summat? I know it's been more than you signed up for, having me here, but you know that I do appreciate everything you've done for me, don't you?"

Paddy looked at him. "You have done nothing, I promise. In fact I couldn't be more proud or any happier for you if I tried. The way you've handled things since that day in court, well it's been amazing. And as for Jackson, you know he's welcome here anytime.

"I'm fine, honest. Just a bit over tired or something. And starving so where's this dinner?"

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

They sat round the table, empty plates in front of them.

"That was lovely Jackson, thanks" said Paddy.

"No worries. Least I could do after all the bed and board you've given me over the past few weeks."

Jackson got up from the table and started to gather the dirty dishes.

"You can't do the washing up; you cooked" insisted Paddy

"I'm not washing up. He is!" Jackson explained, nudging Aaron to get out of his chair.

"OK, I can take a hint" Aaron protested. He picked up a tea towel and flicked it at Jackson's behind.

"Oh I see, like that is it" and with that Jackson flicked water at Aaron.

Paddy laughed and sensing that the play fighting could escalate, he returned to the living room.

He sat in the armchair, not bothering with the TV. Why couldn't he snap out of this mood?

He thought about ringing Marlon, the one person guaranteed to make him smile, but he had plans with Rhona.

Paddy sighed again. Everyone's got someone. Aaron has Jackson, Marlon has Rhona. Who have I got? He shook his head, disappointed with himself for what he was thinking. He was happy for Aaron and Marlon. They had both been through so much and deserved to be happy but Paddy wanted to know when was it going to be his turn…


	13. Chapter 13

Paddy's mobile rang, making him jump. He picked up the mobile and saw Marlon's name on the screen.

"Hiya pal, was going to call you to see if you fancied a pint but I thought you'd be off with Rhona somewhere."

"Alright mate. I'm with Rhona at my place now actually. Sorry I've not been in touch but I'm after a favour."

Paddy had known Marlon long enough to realise that his best mate didn't sound his usual self. "You ok Marlon, everything alright?"

"Yeah, well no, not exactly. I'll explain when I see you but its Shadrach. It was his birthday today and he's really low so I'm going to throw him a bit of a birthday party tomorrow tea time. Obviously you're more than welcome but I'm hoping you can persuade Aaron to come too."

"Flaming hell, you don't want much do you? You know how he's been with Aaron since he came out, the things he's said to upset him. There's no love lost, mate."

"I know but he's really trying and I know he'd love to make amends. Zak and Lisa have agreed to come. Chas and Gennie too. Will you at least try for me?"

Paddy sighed. "I'll try but I'm not promising. It depends what mood I catch him in."

"Thanks mate, let me know yeah" and with that he put the phone down.

I get all the good jobs Paddy thought and made his way to the kitchen. No time like the present and Aaron had seemed really relaxed tonight so…

As he got to the doorway, Paddy let out a very unsubtle cough to let the lads know he was about to disturb them and judging by the way they jumped apart, it had been the right thing to do.

The dirty plates, pots and pans were still in the sink and both lads were sporting very red chins, a clean sign that there had been plenty of snogging and not much washing up done.

"Nearly finished Paddy" Aaron said, smirking at Jackson and blushing.

"Course you have, Paddy laughed and smiled at Jackson, hoping that he would back him up on the subject he was about to broach.

"Marlon's just called. He's throwing a bit of a belated birthday party for Shadrach tomorrow and wondered if you were doing anything. He'd like us to go."

Aaron turned to face Paddy, his face stunned by the question. "Are you having a laugh? You want me to go to a tea party for him, after everything he's said."

"He's tried to apologise for that and at the end of the day, he's your Granddad, he's family."

"Just 'cause he's apologised it don't mean that I'm going to put on a party hat and sing happy birthday to him" and with that he turned to focus on the sink full of dishes.

Paddy looked at Jackson, pleading for him to intervene. Aaron listened to him and Paddy hoped the builder would bring Aaron round. Jackson half smiled at Paddy, knowing full well what Paddy wanted him to do but reluctant to put himself in the middle of another drama, especially as he and Aaron were getting on so well.

"We'll finish up here, Paddy" Jackson said. The vet took the hint and left them to it in the kitchen.

Jackson picked up the tea towel and started drying the plates that Aaron had been furiously scrubbing, all the time watching his boyfriend.

"I know what you are going to say, Aaron said suddenly. "I'm not going and no one can make me."

"Have I said anything, Jackson replied softly. "Anyway you don't do anything you don't want to do remember. You've already told me that."

Aaron sighed, his shoulders relaxing. He stopped what he was doing but kept his hands in the water, looking at the bubbles in the sink and popping them with his finger. He looked at Jackson, his face softening from the scowl that had been there since Paddy had mentioned Shadrach.

"Jay, I know he apologised but every time I see him, all I can think about is what he said and how he looked at me when he said it, disgusted like. The way he made me feel was exactly what I was scared of before I came out and I don't want to feel like that again. Not when things have been really good."

"Then don't go, Jackson said. Aaron looked at him surprised. He had expected Jackson to try and persuade him otherwise and couldn't believe his boyfriend's response.

"Yes, its family and I'm sure your Granddad and your mum would love to see you there but if it makes you feel that bad and you don't want to go then don't. It's up to you what you do. It doesn't matter what I think or Paddy. It's up to you. But I do think if you decide not to go, you should explain why you won't be there so that your family understand.

He moved to Aaron and standing behind him, wrapped his arms around his chest and rested his head on Aaron's shoulder. "If you do decide to go, I can go with you if you want. Bit of moral support."

"Thanks, Aaron said. "But I think I'd prefer to go and see him on my own without everyone around, so I can make him understand how he upset me, to try to clear the air with him. I'll go and see him the day after tomorrow. I've got the afternoon off then."

"OK, well the offers there if you change your mind" and Jackson kissed his neck, hugging Aaron to his body.

"What was that for?" Aaron asked.

"Just cause a few months ago, you wouldn't have even discussed this with anyone, let alone me. You'd have just kicked off and sulked and ranted. Whereas now you're talking about how to put things right, on your terms. I'm impressed."

"You know what? Aaron said, turning to face Jackson and returning his embrace. "Me too!"


	14. Chapter 14

They walked to work together the next morning. They may not have been holding hands but they couldn't have been any closer to each other if they tried.

Aaron thought about taking Jackson's hand, he'd day dreamed about it many times. He imagined his boyfriend's face, the look of surprise and happiness Aaron knew would follow, but he couldn't do it; not yet anyway.

Besides Aaron didn't trust himself. It was hard enough to keep his hands off Jackson when they were alone, let alone in public. After taking forever to wash up last night, due to the fact that they kept stopping to kiss and hold each other, they had made their excuses and headed to Aaron's bedroom.

They had put the stereo on and sat on the bed talking about Aaron's family for a while. Aaron had never had someone who just listened to him – apart from Paddy – and the more Jackson sat with him, taking in every word he said, the more Aaron knew he loved him.

Eventually they had both started yawning and climbed into bed. They lay facing each other, hands entwined. One goodnight kiss turned into another, and then another. It was hours later before they went to sleep, having explored each other's bodies slower and with more intensity than either could remember doing before.

They were almost at the garage when Jackson's phone rang. He took the phone from his pocket and held it to his ear, exposing a small bite mark on his neck that made Aaron blush. We must stop doing that, he thought to himself.

"Mum. When did you get back?" Jackson answered. "I stayed at Aaron's last night. …Yes, it is… he's lovely…" Jackson said as he looked at Aaron.

"Do you need to go?" Jackson mouthed to Aaron, putting his hand over the mouthpiece.

"No, I'm alright for a minute." Jackson returned to his phone call.

"No, of course I'm not… you will… soon… tonight? Jackson turned to look at Aaron with a worried look on his face. "I'll have to ask him… I'm not sure what he's doing… no, of course he does… Mum… I'll ask the question and give you a shout back… promise… alright, speak to you later." And with that he hung up.

"Alright?" Aaron inquired.

"Yeah, Jackson replied. "But I need to ask you a favour and I don't want you to freak out."

"Go on"

"Well, my mum's back from her travels and wants me to meet her later."

"Ok"

"And she wants to meet you too."

"Oh"

"I know it's not your scene and it's still early days but..."

Aaron interrupted him. "Ok, I'll come."

Jackson continued his reasoning for a few seconds before realising what Aaron had said. "You what?"

"I'll come with you to meet your Mum. What time?"

"Are you sure? 'Cause if I tell her you are coming and then you back out, my life won't be worth living."

"I'm sure. I wouldn't have said yes otherwise."

Jackson looked at his boyfriend. He couldn't believe Aaron had said yes.

"Stop looking at me like that" Aaron teased

Jackson's face must have betrayed his feelings. "Like what?"

"With your soppy face, looking all mushy at me. I've only agreed to meet her. It's no big deal."

But Jackson knew he didn't mean that and so did Aaron for that matter. Both were nervous at the thought. Jackson wanted his mum to like Aaron and not give him a hard time, especially after the court business. Aaron wondered what his mum would have to say to the lad who had hit her son.

They walked the last few yards to work and were at the door to Declan's house before either spoke again, both already playing out scenes from the evening to come in their heads.

Jackson broke the silence. "If you change your mind, about later, just tell me. Ok? I'd rather you didn't come if you are not comfortable with it."

"I'm not going to change my mind. I've told you" Aaron insisted. "This is important to you; I can see that so it's important to me. I'm not saying that I'm not bricking it because you know I will be later, but I will be there."

"Ok. Thanks" Jackson said opening the door to Declan's. Aaron started to walk to the garage before Jackson called him back. He had stepped in the doorway of the house and as Aaron got to the door, Jackson grabbed his hand and pulled him inside.

"I'll thank you properly later, Jackson said as he put his hand on Aaron's hips and moved him back against the wall. "This will have to do for now" and he kissed Aaron passionately, his hands running over the mechanic's chest and backside.

They broke from their kiss. "Well, if that's what I get for agreeing to go, I can't wait until we get back," Aaron said with a smile.


	15. Chapter 15

Aaron and Jackson got off the bus by the Smithy and headed to the Woolpack for last orders. They had spent the evening with Jackson's mother, a real character, and Aaron was taking great pleasure in teasing his boyfriend about the evening's events – especially as it was usually Aaron's family causing the embarrassment.

"So what was he like then?" Aaron asked.

"Who?" Jackson replied knowing full well who Aaron was referring to.

"The last one… with the mouth like a… what was it she said… septic stab wound. Sounds nice."

"Shut it, Jackson laughed. "I told you she could be a bit much at first."

"Oh you don't say."

"Well, I will say this, you did great. Thanks."

"For what?"

"For coming, for meeting her, for not running a mile when she started taking the mick."

"I liked her… and hello, have you met my lot. We're hardly the Waltons ourselves."

Jackson laughed. "So we've both got mad mothers. It's a wonder we're even sane."

"Who said you're sane?"

"I can't be, can I? Going out with you!" giving Aaron a playful nudge as they walked up the steps to the pub.

"Cheeky git" Aaron retorted as they entered the pub.

The Woolie was exceptionally quiet. David and Leyla were standing at the bar and Aaron and Jackson joined them as they had promised to buy Jackson a drink for all the work he had done on Leyla's new shop.

"How did it go" David enquired, having seen the lads before they went to meet Jackson's mum.

"Alright, he survived, gesturing to Aaron. "Didn't ya."

"She's just like him only better looking" said Aaron as he propped up the bar next to David, causing Jackson to pull a face.

"What happened to your shirt?" Leyla asked having seen Aaron wearing a lovely blue shirt earlier that she said matched his eyes. Aaron had made an effort but Jackson had thought he was trying too hard so made him change into something more casual much to Aaron's annoyance.

"Well, I'd have kept it on but some of us have a sick sense of fashion, don't they" pointing to Jackson.

Jackson changed the subject. "It's Leyla's round isn't it?"

Nicola was behind the bar, getting in some practice for when she became landlady, but looking at the pint glass in her hand and how the beer was spitting out the pump, it wasn't going well. "That's not right", she said.

"Your barrel needs changing," David suggested.

"Well, nappies I can change; barrels I don't think so… Dad!" Nicola turned to Rodney for help.

Just then Aaron's mobile rang. He looked at the screen, wondering who was calling him at this late hour, only to see his mum's name flash up on the screen.

"Hi Mam"

Aaron's faced dropped and his body tensed.

Jackson, standing next to him, felt Aaron's stance changed and looked at him. Something was obviously wrong.

"Yeah, I'm still here… Ok… I'll see you tomorrow… yeah I'm fine… see ya." Aaron closed his phone and stood staring into space for a second.

"Aaron?"

"Erm, I need to go" Aaron said quietly and walked away from the bar and headed for the door.

"What's up?" Leyla asked Jackson.

"I don't know, replied Jackson following his boyfriend to the door. "Another time, yeah?"

Jackson quickly walked out of the pub to find Aaron standing in the middle of the road.

"Aaron, what's wrong? You ok?" he asked but got no response. "Aaron, talk to me" Jackson pleaded as he reached for his arm.

Jackson's touch made Aaron jump, like he wasn't even aware that Jackson had followed him.

He looked at Jackson, his face still expressionless. "Shadrach's dead."

"What? Are you sure?"

"Mam just told me. Happened earlier."

"Mate, I'm so sorry, Jackson said lifting his hands to Aaron's face. "You ok?"

Aaron tensed at Jackson's touch and moved his face. "Yeah, I'm fine, stop fussing", he snapped and started to walk towards the Smithy.

Jackson walked with him but kept his distance. He'd seen this side of Aaron before. The side that tried very hard to show that he didn't care and he wasn't hurting when those close to him, people like Paddy, Adam and now Jackson, knew he was absolutely aching inside.

They got to the Smithy and went inside. Jackson wanted to be there for Aaron but didn't want to make matter worse. "Do you want a drink?" he asked.

"No, I just want to go to bed. I've got to be in work early" and with that, Aaron headed up the stairs.

"Nobody will be expecting you to go in tomorrow. I'm sure Cain will understand. He probably won't be in himself."

Aaron stopped and looked at Jackson puzzled. "Why wouldn't I go to work? He's dead. Not much we can do about it now!" And with that he continued to make his way upstairs.

Jackson followed him into the bedroom and both lads got undressed and climbed into bed in silence, Aaron turning on to his side away from Jackson.

He watched Aaron lying there knowing he was awake.

"Aaron, please don't shut me out. I know you are upset but talk to me don't bottle it all up."

There was no response.

Jackson moved closer to Aaron, spooning his body, and put his hand on his arm.

"I'm here, I'll always be here, if you need me" Jackson said softly and kissed the back of Aaron's head.

"I should have gone" Aaron said meekly.

"What? Where?"

"To Marlon's, I should have sorted it" he answered, his voice a little louder. "You and Paddy, you should have made me go!"

Jackson's head dropped. He could hear the anger in Aaron's voice and knew that despite what he said, the only people he was angry with was himself and Shadrach.

He went to respond but thought better of it. He knew Aaron would need time to get over this, the fact that he hadn't spoken to his granddad or had the chance to put things right.

Jackson lay watching the back of Aaron's head for most of the night, not sure if he was asleep or awake but not wanting to put pressure on him.

Eventually Jackson felt Aaron relax and let out a deep breath. He was finally asleep. Jackson pulled him closer to him and rested his head against his back. Aaron's body started to tremor, only slightly but Jackson held Aaron even closer.

Maybe it was the closeness of someone who cared for him, maybe it was being held, but while he was still sleeping, tears started to roll down Aaron's face. Tears for everything that his Granddad had said to him and tears for everything that was left unsaid.


	16. Chapter 16

The next morning, Aaron got up, got ready for work and was out the door before Jackson was even awake. There were no morning kisses, no breakfast or walking to work with Jackson. He was up and out, staying quiet and keeping his distance, not just from Jackson but from Paddy too. It was self preservation as far as Aaron was concerned because he knew they would fuss round him and would want to know how he was feeling.

Truth was he didn't know. Ever since he'd had the phone call from his Mum, he'd thought about how he should feel, how people would expect him to feel - angry, sad, relieved. How would he explain that to Jackson and Paddy that he didn't know what he felt without seeming heartless? So he did what Aaron always did – closed himself off.

Jackson came downstairs to find Paddy nursing a mug of tea at the kitchen table. He looked around expecting to see Aaron.

"Morning, where's Aaron?" Jackson asked.

"Dunno, thought he must be upstairs with you. Everything ok?"

"Haven't you heard? Shadrach died yesterday. Chas phoned Aaron and told him last night."

"Oh my god, I didn't know. How's he taken it?"

"Not good. He wouldn't talk to me last night, shut right down. I thought he might have got his head round it this morning but obviously not." Jackson poured himself a cuppa and joined Paddy at the table.

"So, you know him better than anybody. What should I do?" Jackson asked obviously concerned for his boyfriend.

"Just give him time and be there when he needs you, it's all you can do when he gets like this. The more you push him, the more he'll withdraw. He's come such a long way over the past few months since he came out, maybe he'll handle it better than we think."

"Going by last night, I'm not so sure" Jackson replied as he got up from the table.

"Give me a call if you need me. I'm going to check on Marlon. I bet he's devastated."

Jackson walked from the Smithy to Declan's house, glancing towards the garage as he went past. The garage doors were open but there was no sign of Cain, Ryan or more importantly Aaron.

Well, at least the doors are open, thought Jackson. His stomach churned at the thought of Aaron's suicide attempt. Please God, don't let him try that again.

He debated going into the garage but then thought about what Paddy said. Give him time. So he went into Declan's and started on his work for the day.

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Aaron had spotted Jackson as he got nearer to Declan's and had hidden at the back of the garage. He knew it was the coward's way out and felt guilty when he'd seen the concern on Jackson's face. Aaron wished he was different, that he could explain himself better, but how do you explain something you don't even understand?

Jackson was right, Cain hadn't arrived yet and neither had Ryan so Aaron made a start on the cars booked in for the day. If he kept busy then maybe it would clear his head. Aaron sighed; he knew there was no chance of that happening.

He was leaning under the bonnet when he heard the sound of footsteps coming up the gravel drive. Straightening up, he expected to see Jackson behind him but instead was greeted by his Mum.

"Oh Aaron, I'm sorry I had to tell you over the phone. Are you ok?" Chas didn't wait for an answer before engulfing Aaron in an embrace which was more for her benefit than for his. He put his arms around her more to control how long she had hold of him rather than to return the affection, quickly releasing her.

"We're going to meet up later at Uncle Zak's to discuss the arrangements" Chas said, leaving the statement in the air like it was a question. Aaron looked at her. What does she want me to say, he thought. She took his hesitation to respond as grief. "I know you and your Granddad didn't see eye to eye but he did love you deep down."

Aaron rubbed his hands over his head, something he did when he was stressed. I don't need to hear this; he thought and wondered how he could get rid of her. The gods must have heard him because as she began to speak again Cain arrived. Great, Aaron sighed. Now she can focus on him.

Cain and Chas went off to discuss arrangements and Aaron once again busied himself in the garage. It was way past lunch time, when he got up from underneath the car he was working on and walked into the sunshine.

He looked over to Declan's and saw Jackson through the upstairs window. Aaron stood and watched him for a while; truth be told, he missed him even though Jackson hadn't gone anywhere. It was him that was removed, absent almost, and he wasn't sure why.

Jackson must have felt someone watching him and turned to see his boyfriend standing there, looking up at the window. The builder smiled at him and held his gaze, making Aaron ache inside and forcing him to look away so his emotions didn't betray him. Jackson had seen him cry too often for Aaron's liking. He couldn't help himself though and found himself looking back to the window but Jackson had gone.

Aaron walked back into the garage to put some tools away and once again heard the sound of footsteps on the gravel. He tensed; what did his Mum want now? He turned sharply, ready to ask her to leave, but was greeted with Jackson standing there with a hopeful look on his face and two mugs of tea in his hands.

"Wasn't sure what you would prefer, tea or a talk. Both are optional but each comes with a hug if you need it" Jackson said and Aaron knew he meant it. He wasn't going to push him into talking but he wanted to be there and Aaron felt grateful, because deep down he wanted him there to.

Aaron walked towards Jackson and took the mugs from him and placed them on the worktop. "I'll take the tea" he said. Without saying another work, they embraced and both sighed as they relaxed into each other. Jackson kissed Aaron's neck and whispered in his ear, "I missed you this morning."

With his arms still wrapped around him, Aaron replied "Me too. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have just left."

Jackson held his face in his hands. "You don't need to explain. It's fine. When you need to talk or when you need this, I'm here. As long as you need me, I'm not going anywhere."

Aaron looked at Jackson and couldn't believe how lucky he was. Jackson had put up with so much and must have the patience of a saint. He may not know how he felt about Shadrach, but he knew what he felt for Jackson and to show him, kissed him slowly and gently on the lips.

As the kiss came to an end, Jackson rested his forehead against Aaron's. "Tea's going cold" he said with a smile.

"Let it, said Aaron. "You can make me another later," and with that he kissed his boyfriend again.


	17. Chapter 17

The next couple of days passed and Aaron remained quiet but not as withdrawn as he was. Much to his surprise, neither Paddy nor Jackson mentioned Shadrach or his funeral at all. He was certain they would question him on whether he was planning to attend or not, not realising that the two men had discussed it when Aaron was out of the room and agreed to let Aaron bring it up before they did.

Even when Aaron had found out about the funeral arrangements and ranted as he entered the kitchen at the madness of the plans, neither commented.

"They're mental, flaming mental! Aaron had stormed. "No wonder people look at them like they are mad."

"What's happened now?" Paddy had asked, glancing at Jackson who sat across the kitchen table from him.

"They are burying him in the garden… like he's a bloody hamster or goldfish!"

Jackson had looked at him stunned. "You what?"

"I'm not kidding. Zak has asked the vicar and it's all sorted that Shadrach is going to be buried behind the house, in the garden. They are having the service there and everything. And me Mam… me Mam thinks it's a great idea. Belle or Samson will never sleep again; it's enough to give you nightmares!"

Aaron paced around the kitchen before he stopped and looked at the two men sitting at the kitchen table. Paddy looked at him with concerned eyes but Jackson didn't look at him. Instead he sat there with his head in his hands.

"Jay, you ok?"

"Yeah" Jackson managed to whisper before his shoulders started to move up and down.

"What's up?" Aaron asked, moving to his boyfriend's side and putting an arm around his shoulder. Now it was Aaron's turn to look at Paddy concerned.

Jackson lifted his head to look at Aaron. Their eyes met… and Jackson burst out laughing.

"I'm sorry, mate but you just couldn't write that. Burying him in the garden!" He was holding his sides now, trying to regain control.

Aaron looked at Jackson, then Paddy and then back to Jackson. He felt a smile creep across his face and within seconds was roaring with laughter too.

"You two are the mental ones", Paddy said as he left the kitchen table and went back to the surgery.

Aaron was sitting next to Jackson now, who was still trying to regain his composure. They looked at each other and smiled.

"I'll go with you, if you want, Jackson said. "I promise to behave!"

"Thanks but I don't know if I'm going yet." Aaron replied.

"Well, the offer is there whatever you decide."

eeeeeeeee

The morning of the funeral, Aaron told Jackson to go to work.

"So you're not going then?" he asked.

"Dunno" Aaron had replied, lost in his thoughts.

Jackson was working in the front bedroom, the one that gave him the best view of the road from the Smithy. He wasn't getting much work done. All he could think about was Aaron.

Something caught his eye, moving along the road. A figure dressed in black. Jackson focused on the figure and realised it was Aaron dressed in his suit but he was walking in the opposite direction to the Dingle homestead. Jackson watched as Aaron made his way towards the village church, glancing around him as he entered through the oak door.

Instinctively Jackson put down his tools and made his way to the church, not sure what reception he would get but knowing he needed to be there.

Aaron was sitting on one of the pews, his head lowered and his hands in his lap.

Without saying a word, Jackson went and sat beside him and, taking Aaron's hand out of his lap, held it in his own.

They sat there a while, in the silence. It was Aaron who spoke first.

"I don't know why I came in here. I thought it might give me the answer. Nothing else has."

"The answer to what?" Jackson questioned softly.

"How I should be feeling? The things he said to me made me so angry, I hated him for them, but now I don't feel anything. Surely that's not right? I don't even feel sad for him, for my Mum maybe, but not him. How can I go and stand up there with them, say goodbye, when I'm like this."

Jackson squeezed his hand. "Maybe today is not about how you feel; maybe it's about you being there for your mum, for what she's feeling. I know you two don't always see eye to eye but at the end of the day, I know you love your mum just as much as she loves you. Why not go and be there for her if you don't need to be there for you?"

Aaron looked at Jackson and smiled. "You always know what to say to make me feel better. Thanks."

They walked out of the church, still hand in hand. At the end of the church drive, about to go their separate ways, Aaron kissed Jackson softly on the lips, without even looking round to see if anyone was watching.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Jackson asked, concerned for Aaron but also pleased for another tiny step forward.

"No, you go back to work and I'll see you later."

They kissed again and began to go their separate ways, their hand still entwined until the last possible minute.

Jackson watched as Aaron walked back towards the road, and had never felt more pride and love for anyone than he did for his boyfriend at that moment.


	18. Chapter 18

Aaron woke up and sat on the edge of the bed, trying to focus and getting ready to start the day. He looked over to his double bed and stared at the empty space normally occupied by Jackson.

He had been in the bed waiting for Aaron when he returned from Shadrach's wake, wanting to know how it had gone and holding Aaron until he fell asleep. It was one of the very rare nights when they hadn't had sex but had just slept wrapped in each other's arms. Aaron had woken up more calm than he could ever remember yesterday morning although things didn't remain calm for long when Jackson had woken up and a good morning kiss had turned into an energetic 'quickie' as both had had places to be.

Although they had met for a drink at lunchtime, Jackson had gone home after work as he was off out to dinner with his mum for his birthday. He'd invited Aaron along but Aaron had declined as he needed to make up some hours at the garage. Plus it gave Jackson the chance to spend quality time with his mum so that the two lads could go out that evening on his actual birthday.

If he was honest, Aaron didn't know if he could cope with another night out with Hazel so soon, especially with everything that had happened. Hazel had a big personality and you needed to be firing on all cylinders to be able to take her jibes and banter.

He'd still missed Jackson though, sprawled out in the big bed without his toned body to cuddle up to. He'd called him at exactly midnight, waking him up, to wish him happy birthday.

"Aaron? Jackson answered groggily, "You ok?"

"Yeah, just called to say happy birthday"

Jackson looked at the time on his watch and laughed.

"Thanks. You been lying there waiting for midnight, you big softy?"

"No", Aaron answered although his tone of his voice betrayed him and he laughed as he said it.

"What are you like?" Jackson smirked.

"Lonely, that's what. Bed seems massive without you."

"Don't tell me that mate. I'll be in a cab and round before you've had chance to make me cocoa."

"I've got your pressie here, waiting for ya" Aaron flirted.

Jackson laughed. "Oh I bet you have. Is it gift wrapped?"

"Bow an' all"

"Wow, well I'm tempted but I think I'm going to have to save it for later. Don't want to have all my presents at once else I'll have nothing to open tonight."

"There will be plenty to open, believe you me" Aaron growled as he sank into the sheets.

"Oh yeah? Big is it, my present?" Jackson was loving the banter and this flirty side of Aaron. It was the side that only Jackson got to see and it was the thing he loved most of all about Aaron.

"Getting bigger by the minute, babe"

"I bet!"

Aaron was getting impatient. "Get over here" he pleaded.

Jackson debated dragging on some clothes and running over there. He could picture Aaron lying on the bed, his joggers resting on his hips and his bare torso exposed to showcase his gorgeous physique. He could tell by Aaron's voice that he was turned on but as much as he wanted to address his lover's passion, he decided to stay put and let the tension build for later as they had a big night out planned.

"You hold that thought mate. We've both got early starts if we want to get out of work early. If I come over now, we are not going to get any sleep and believe me; you'll need all your strength for later."

"Promise?" Aaron replied disappointed

"Promise. I'll see you in the morning though yeah, for my birthday kiss?"

"OK. I'm not happy about it but you're worth the wait. I'll see you when I get back from viewing that car I saw in the paper."

"What, you're going to plant one on me in front of Cain and Ryan? That'll be the day!" Jackson teased.

"They would love that! God, can you imagine what they would say? The stick I'd get!"

"Well, come over to Declan's when you can. I'll be ready for you. Night babe."

"Will do, night"

Jackson was just about to put the phone down when Aaron spoke again.

"Jay… I want you have a great birthday. I can't wait to see you."

"Me too mate, me too"

eeeeeeeeeee

Aaron had arrived at the garage later than he expected. He was buzzing. He'd got a bargain, persuading the old dear to knock the price down on the Fiesta, and couldn't wait to show it off. Plus there was the birthday kiss to look forward to. He'd text Jackson earlier to remind him of what was on offer and now couldn't wait to deliver.

He speed into the garage drive where he found Jackson was working outside and Cain on the warpath.

Considering Aaron had 'borrowed' the petty cash money to buy the car, Cain went surprisingly easy on him, much to his relief. Although as the day went on, it became clear that the car may not be so much of a bargain after all.

There had been no let up since he'd got to work and even less chance of grabbing five minutes with Jackson and the birthday boy was getting impatient.

"Is there any chance you can take a break, I've not had my birthday kiss yet" Jackson asked cheekily.

Aaron glanced around and teasing him, replied: "You'll have to wait, won't you. I'm working."

Jackson went back to rendering the wall, but kept one eye firmly on Aaron as he finished off his work. He'd missed him last night and couldn't wait to taste his lips and anywhere else that was on offer.

He put down his tools and went into the house to get a drink. He wasn't sure if it was the sun or thinking of Aaron that was making him sweat. He grabbed a bottle of water from the cool box and began to neck it when he felt two hands slide around his waist and make their way up the front of his t-shirt.

Jackson smiled. "I really hope that's not Cain" he said as he turned to look at Aaron.

Wasting no time, Aaron brought his mouth crashing on Jackson's, picking up where last night's phone call left off. Hungrily, their tongues explored every inch of each other's mouths, licking and biting each other's lips. Hands skimmed over muscled shoulders, backs and arses, both lads becoming increasingly aroused by this sudden burst of passion.

Jackson broke away first. "Flaming hell that was worth the wait" he smirked. Aaron moved in for another kiss but Jackson stopped him.

"Kiss me like that again now and I'll make sure you scream so loud the whole village will know what we are doing in here, let alone Ryan and Cain. These, he said gesturing to the straining crotch of both his and Aaron's trousers, are going to be hard enough to control without you kissing me again."

Aaron smiled. "Well, you'll have to have the rest of your present later then if you can't control yourself." And with that he planted a quick kiss of Jackson's lips and headed for the door.

"See you later, birthday boy" he shouted over his shoulder.

You certainly will, thought Jackson.


	19. Chapter 19

Paddy went into the kitchen to get two cans from the fridge. He still wasn't sure what had caused Aaron's strop but he was keen to get to the bottom of it. Aaron had snapped at him and Rhona but it was how he treated Jackson that Paddy was the most annoyed about. You didn't do that to someone you cared about, especially on their birthday. Jackson had been nothing but patient and supportive over the past few weeks and a sulky boyfriend was all he got for his trouble.

They had got back to the Smithy and started playing Monster Hunter on the Xbox. Aaron had gradually calmed down and relaxed although Paddy had noticed that he kept looking at the screen of his mobile like he was expecting a call or text from someone.

Paddy took the beers back into the lounge and handed a can to Aaron, who was sprawled on the settee. Paddy sat on the arm of the chair, not sure how to broach the subject of his mood in case it changed for the worse again.

"So if I ask you something, do you promise not to kick off" the vet enquired.

Aaron sat up. He knew Paddy wouldn't let him get away with anything and had expected the questioning to start much earlier. In fact he was surprised it had taken Paddy this long to bring the subject up.

"Go on, I know you're dying to ask me."

"Do I need to ask then, if you already know the question?"

"My mate's been arrested..." Aaron said before Paddy finished off the sentence for him

"For murder, yes we know. Now tell me what else happened."

"What do you mean what else? Isn't murder enough for you?"

"I know you are upset and worried about Ryan. He's your mate and he's stuck by you. But you were fine when you got back from work. You were looking forward to going out."

"I weren't bothered" claimed Aaron, shifting in his seat.

"Rubbish! You said when you come in Jackson had offered to cancel but you had talked him round. And if you hadn't said that, the fact that every shirt you possess is strewn across your bedroom because you couldn't decide what to wear, speaks volumes."

"Shut up" Aaron said sulkily picking up the game controller. "Are we playing another game or what?"

"Not until you tell me what's going on. Were you miffed Jackson brought his mates with him? Did you want it to be just the two of you? Had you got a surprise planned?"

Aaron shifted in his seat again, uncomfortable with the line of questioning. "No, I weren't bothered. If he wants to go out with them, let him. Doesn't mean I have to."

"Aaron, he looked gutted when he got in that cab. He's going to want to know what's going on even if you won't tell me. Unless of course you don't want him around anymore? Is that what you are doing, pushing him away? Because after tonight, you may have succeeded."

"No", Aaron quickly replied. He looked at Paddy concerned. Is that what Jackson thought? Aaron had been too wound up to even think about what Jackson might be feeling let alone considered how he might respond to Aaron's outburst.

He sat forward, resting his elbows on his knees and putting his head in his hands. He sighed, as if to exhale all the tension and anger out of his body.

Paddy moved to sit next to him. "What happened, mate?" he asked gently.

Aaron rubbed his face and frowned. "I was worried about Ryan and I saw Cain come back from the police station so went to find out how he was. Cain started winding me up."

"What about?"

"Huh, my 'gay' shirt, my 'boyfriend's birthday…"

"And you listened to him. I can't believe Cain started this… you seriously listened to what Cain has to say!" Paddy stood up, trying to process what he was hearing. "Why would you even listen to him of all people? He's hardly a relationship expert, is he? Shacked up with his cousin or something, he's like he's just stepped off Jeremy Kyle!

"Aaron, I thought you'd moved on with this, since the court case. People see you and Jackson together in the village all the time; they know he's your boyfriend. Nobody says anything. Everybody's really taken to him. Why would you let some stupid remarks from Cain bother you?"

"I don't know", Aaron said rising to his feet and pacing round the room. He knew he shouldn't have let Cain get to him but he had. He couldn't cope with people looking at him in that way.

"Well, can't see that going down too well with Jackson when you've ruined his birthday."

"I didn't ruin it. He did that all by himself bringing them two mincers with him."

"Mincers! Can you hear yourself? You don't even know them. Jackson was right, you always judge people. Why couldn't you give them a chance for his sake?"

"I didn't want to go out with them. I don't want people looking at me, sneering because they're camping it up. Is that what you think I should be doing? Wearing a pink shirt and poncing about?"

"Of course not, now you're just being daft! You couldn't do camp if you tried. At the end of the day, they are Jackson's mates and you should have given them a chance. The same as he's done with Adam, Holly, Ryan, your mum…

"I met his Mum, didn't I? 'Did that for him when he asked."

"That's one person! He's had to take on the whole village! The gossips, your family, me. He walked straight into your world and dealt with everything you've thrown at him. And that must have been hard considering that everyone saw you deck him."

"Oh I knew that would come up! Aaron huffed. "I've apologised till I'm blue in the face for that and Jackson's let it go, so why can't everyone else!"

Paddy watched him pace the room. He could see he was stressed out by their conversation but he had seemed more rattled when Paddy had mentioned how Jackson might react to his mood.

"Mate, sit down, said Paddy as he took a seat on the sofa. "What were you planning for tonight?"

Aaron looked at Paddy's concerned face and took a deep breath. It wasn't Paddy's fault that he'd backed himself into a corner. Jackson bringing his mates along had only thrown fuel on the fire.

He sat next to Paddy. "I said I was going to take him for a pizza or summat" he said quietly.

"Right" said Paddy nodding. "So his two mates coming along cramped your style a bit, eh" he added, nudging Aaron's arm. Aaron half smiled. "You could say that."

"So, you not going out, was that to punish him?" Paddy surmised.

"A bit, Aaron shrugged. "Plus I was that wound up, I knew I'd have ended up lamping someone. If it had been just me and him, I would have calmed down eventually but I knew them lot were just going to make me worse."

Paddy nodded. He didn't agree with how Aaron had handled things but he knew how the teenager's mind worked. Jackson had every right to invite his mates on his birthday night out but perhaps should have given Aaron the head's. And Cain… well, Paddy would speak to Chas about that one!

Aaron broke the silence. "Well, he's obviously not bothered because he hasn't text me or anything."

"Do you think so? I bet he's got a right face on him just like you have. I bet given the choice, he'd rather be spending his birthday with you than in town with his mates and you not there. Why don't I run you into town? Go and find him and say sorry."

"No chance, bet his mates have slagged me right off. He's not going to want to see me is he? Besides it's not all my fault. He stuffed up by bring them idiots."

"Well, why don't you text him then. Just get is sorted rather than let things stew. Now, prepare to get a whooping" said Paddy as picked up the games controller and offered it to Aaron.

They played a while longer before Aaron made his excuses and went to his room. He was shattered but couldn't sleep. He held his phone in his hand, brushing his thumb over the keypad hoping it would tell him what to say, what to write in a text that would explain and get Jackson to forgive him.


	20. Chapter 20

Jackson sat at a corner table on his own in Bar West. Sol was off flirting with some bloke who had caught his eye and Joe was at the bar getting the drinks in. As much as his mates tried, the whole night had been a wash out and Jackson wished he'd stuck to his guns and cancelled altogether.

This was not how he had imagined his birthday panning out. Ryan getting arrested for a start was madness. Jackson didn't know him very well but he always seemed a genuinely good bloke. He'd always been a good mate to Aaron too.

Jackson sighed. Aaron. What the hell had happened there? When he'd left him outside Ryan's house, he was fine and insisting on the night out. Nothing like the mood he was in when they had met at the pub.

He'd got the hump from the minute they met his so something had wound him up. It couldn't just be the lads tagging along, could it? Maybe he should have text him to say they were coming but it's not like Aaron had gone to much trouble. He hadn't even got him a card! Aaron had made no secret that they weren't welcome but Jackson hadn't thought for one minute that he wouldn't go with them.

Sol and Joe had taken great pleasure in slagging Aaron off in the taxi on the way into town. Jackson had tried to defend him but he had been so childish, Jackson eventually decided to keep quiet.

"I can't believe he's abandoned you on your birthday. Some boyfriend he is!" Sol had ranted. "Thought you said he'd come out because judging by the way he looked at us, I'd say his feet were firmly in the closet!"

Jackson looked at his mobile again. He thought Aaron might ring or text him to say sorry but as the night went on, he realised that was less likely.

He looked for his mates, unsure how they would react if he called it a night, but Joe was heading back to the table carrying another round.

"Not heard from him?" Joe asked, nodding at the phone.

Jackson half smiled, trying to put on a brave face. "Not expecting too."

"Really? Because you have looked at your phone every five minutes since we got here."

"Sorry mate. Not much of a night out eh"

"Don't worry about that. I'm more worried about you. What you going to do?"

"What do you mean?"

"Mate, you really like him. I've known you a long time and seen you with your exes but I've never seen you fall for someone this hard before."

Jackson circled his pint glass, watching the golden liquid swirl around the bottom. He had fallen hard, he knew that. That's why Aaron's mood and bailing on his birthday night out had been such a kick in the nads. He thought Aaron felt the same but after tonight, Jackson wasn't so sure.

"I know this isn't going to be what you want to hear but do you think he's too young for this?"

"What is it with my age, I'm three years older than him for God's sake!" Jackson replied abruptly.

"I don't just mean his age. You've been out years; he's been out a couple of months. This is all still very new to him and you said he's really struggled to come to terms with who he is. Perhaps he's not coping as well as you, or he thinks he is."

"Since we got together, it's been great. All his family know about us, he even told his mum which was massive for him. He'd really started to get a handle on things, even said he didn't care what people thought anymore…"

"Just because he said it, doesn't mean it's true mate. Sounds like wishful thinking to me. Look, I may be speaking out of turn here but you helped him come out, you're the only gay guy he knows and he obviously doesn't want to get to know your mates. Maybe he's fine about you being gay in his world but not so keen on him being gay in yours."

Jackson looked at his mate. He knew Joe meant well. He'd always had Jackson's back, the same way Adam had Aarons. He didn't want to agree with what Joe said but maybe he had a point.

"So what you saying?" Jackson asked.

"I think you need to take a step back, slow things down and start thinking about what is best for you and not just what's best for Aaron. You need to take off those rose coloured specs that you've been wearing and see things as they are. This is all new to him and it's still early days for you two as a couple. Maybe, as much as you like him, and he likes you, the timing is all off and you'd be better off walking away before you get any deeper."

Jackson sighed. None of this was what he wanted to hear but he knew Joe had his best interests at heart. He'd picked up the pieces for Jackson too many times.

"One thing's for sure, Joe added. "Tonight was definitely the wrong night to introduce him to Sol. No wonder he freaked out." Jackson looked over to the bar where Sol was now in full camp mode, singing along to Britney Spears.

"Too true" said Jackson laughing for the first time that night. "Thanks mate."

"What are friend's for. Now, I'm going to try and pour Sol into a taxi. You coming?"

"Yeah." Jackson got up from the table and was nearly at the door when he remembered that he'd left his phone on the table. He rushed back and as he reached for the handset, the screen illuminated and a yellow envelope popped up on screen. Jackson took a deep breath. As much as he wanted to hear from Aaron, he knew he needed time to think about what Joe had said. He looked at the screen to read the message, surprised at what it said.

He went to find Joe and explained he needed to go. The two men struggled to get Sol into the back of a taxi. "Give me a shout if you need anything mate", Joe said as he climbed in the front passenger seat and the taxi pulled into the High Street.

Jackson flagged down an oncoming taxi and got in. Some birthday this turned out to be he thought.


	21. Chapter 21

Aaron got to the garage early the next morning, not that there was much he could do as the police were still searching around the yard where they found the gun.

He'd hardly slept, lying on his bed writing and rewriting text messages to Jackson only to delete them all. Eventually he'd sent him a message just before midnight. Aaron was sure he could have said more but nothing he put sounded enough. In the end he'd just put…

_You're right, I'm a miserable prat. Sorry x_

He'd watched the phone for the next hour, willing it to light up with a message from Jackson but it never did. The longer he lay there, staring at the phone, the more his mind raced. What if Jackson had decided enough was enough and dumped him? What if he'd met someone tonight, someone who was 'out and proud' and Jackson was kissing him right now? Jackson wouldn't do that, would he? Why couldn't he just ignore Cain? Why couldn't he be normal?

Aaron put the kettle on and sat nursing a mug of tea, watching Declan's house. The minute Jackson arrived, he would be there; apologising, doing whatever he could to show him that he was sorry.

Cain arrived, obviously shocked to see Aaron there already.

"Loverboy kick you out of bed this morning?" he called to Aaron.

Aaron tensed. "I haven't seen him since last night" he snapped.

"Had a lover's tiff, have we? What's up, you step on his toes during dancing queen?"

"Shut up Cain! I didn't even go out last night if you must know. Just drop it will 'ya."

Aaron walked to the end of the drive. It was just gone nine. Jackson was normally here by 8.30am. Where was he?

eeeeeeeeeeeee

He'd been working on the Fiesta for a couple of hours. There was nothing else he could do with the police crawling all over the place. It wasn't until he went to grab a can of oil from the back of the garage that he spotted Jackson's van.

"Cain, I'm popping out for five minutes," Aaron said starting down the drive towards Declan's.

"Stop right there you! You're not going anywhere until this heap of junk is fixed and moved off the yard. Loverboy will have to wait!"

Cain glared at Aaron. It would have to wait until later else he wouldn't have a job as well as boyfriend.

Aaron made sure that he worked facing the drive from then on, desperate to even catch a glimpse of Jackson. Every noise made him look up but the builder was nowhere to be seen.

eeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Jackson was working inside the house, although the most urgent jobs were outside but he was avoiding Aaron for as long as possible. He'd managed to get a couple of hours sleep in the end, after dealing with his mum's latest crisis and going over his conversation with Joe.

He'd left Bar West and grabbed a cab home where he found his Mum waiting on the doorstep. He wasn't sure what had gone on but the last thing he needed was a house guest right now. Why was she crashing at his? She'd been staying with Aunt Polly since she got back.

All her text had said was… _Need to stay at yours, spare key in the same place? You won't know I'm there, honest ;-) Mum x_

The moment he stepped out of the cab she started ranting about Polly and the row they had, not stopping to draw breath until she realised that something or more specifically someone was missing.

"Where's Aaron? You've not sent him home on my account have you? You know I'm pretty open minded when It comes to you and your boyfriends."

"He's at home, tucked up in bed I would imagine. He'd had a bit of a bad day so didn't come out in the end." Jackson didn't want to go into details. He needed to work things out for himself before his Mum got involved although nothing much got past Hazel.

"So he didn't come out… on your Birthday. He decided to stay in and sulk because he had a bad day. Well, that's no way to treat your boyfriend, is it?

"Mum, don't start. Just leave it, eh?"

Hazel could see Jackson didn't want to talk about it. "Alright. You know I'm only worried about you. I know what you are like when you meet someone new. Jump straight in, heart first. You're just like me. I was exactly the same when I met your dad. He was all charming and…"

Jackson zoned out. This was the last thing he needed. Once Hazel started talking about his dad there was no going back. The buzz of his phone brought him back and he saw Aaron's name flash up on the screen.

"Mum, let's talk in the morning eh?" He pulled out the bed settee and gathered up some pillows and a duvet before heading to his bedroom to read the text.

It didn't say a lot but Jackson knew that Aaron had probably deliberated over it for quite a while. He lay on his bed, going over the events of the night. He thought about what Joe had said. He was right, it was early days and Jackson was cross with himself for thinking him and Aaron had moved on further than they had. It was early days for Aaron too. He obviously still had loads of issues to sort out.

Jackson thought about what his mum had said. 'Jump straight in, heart first' and she was right. Perhaps he needed to start worrying less about Aaron and more about protecting himself. If this ended… when it ended, Jackson knew it wouldn't be easy.


	22. Chapter 22

Focus on your job, Jackson said to himself, looking around for his hammer. Bugger, it must be in the van. He knew that the minute he stepped outside Aaron would appear. He took a deep breath and headed for the van. Self preservation he had decided was the best option.

Aaron heard the creak of the van door. He looked where Cain was and when he saw him deep in conversation with the police officer, Aaron slipped out of the garage and over to the van.

Jackson knew he was there before he even turned around. He stood up, taking another deep breath and turned to face him. He'd obviously had about as much sleep as Jackson judging by the look of him.

They stood looking at each other, neither wanting to speak first and say something to upset the other. Aaron eventually broke the silence.

"Alright?"

"Yeah. You?"

"Yeah. Did you get my text?"

Jackson looked at the floor. "Yeah."

Aaron hated this, the awkwardness. Why had he had to have a strop? Things were going so well. He swallowed hard. He needed to get this sorted.

"About last night…."

"Aaron!" A shout came from the garage. Cain had noticed he had gone and was on the war path.

Aaron looked up the drive and back at Jackson.

"I'd better get back. Can we talk later?"

Jackson looked at him, desperate to keep his cool. "Yeah, no worries."

They looked at each other again, holding each other's gaze before going their separate ways.

Adam arrived just after one to see if Aaron fancied going the pub for lunch. Aaron was going to call for Jackson but there was no sign of him anywhere, even though his van was parked outside. Aaron thought he might as well go – no point starving!

They walked into the Woolie and headed for the bar, spotting Holly and Ros recovering in the corner. Aaron glanced around the pub, his stomach turning as he saw Jackson sitting in the corner.

He asked Adam to get him a pint in and made his way over to where Jackson was sitting. Jackson looked up and seeing Aaron closed his newspaper.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming for lunch?" Aaron asked.

"Didn't think you'd want to be seen with me" Jackson replied. He didn't want a row but his pride stepped in and he'd said it before he'd realised it.

"Oh come on, it weren't like that"

Jackson looked at him, neither of them believing that for a second. There was no forgiveness in Jackson's eyes, in fact he looked at Aaron blankly which made him feel uneasy.

"Look, I'm sorry" Aaron said quietly, waiting for Jackson to kick off. He'd take whatever was coming to him if it meant things were ok between them.

Jackson shrugged. "Don't worry, didn't miss much anyway apart from the chance to see my mum"

"What? You're mum was out?"

"No but I found her taking root on my sofa when I got home. I've had to fetch all her stuff over to mine this morning."

"Why?" Aaron asked relieved to be told where Jackson had been.

"Big row with Aunt Polly, about tea spoons. Do not ask"

Jackson joined Aaron and Adam at the bar for a chat before he headed back to work. Aaron couldn't believe how things had gone back to normal and felt stupid for panicking. Jackson said he would call him later as he left and Aaron let out a sigh of relief. Crisis averted.

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

It was nearly 8pm by the time Paddy got home and the first thing he did was ask Aaron if he'd seen Jackson. Aaron relayed the conversation from the pub to Paddy.

"And that was it? He didn't ask for an explanation? Didn't have a go for leaving him in the lurch with his mates?"

"No, he was fine about it. He knows what I'm like."

"That doesn't mean it's ok for you to treat him like that. I thought he'd be really upset."

"Look, so did I if I'm honest but we're fine now, normal service resumed."

"So is he coming round later?"

"Erm, I'm not sure. He said he'd give me a call. I bet he's still at Declan's.

"No, he's not. I've just come past there and his vans gone and the place is all shut up."

Aaron looked at Paddy puzzled. He'd assumed Jackson was working late when he hadn't heard from him.

"I bet he's having to sort stuff for his mum", Aaron concluded, not wanting to show Paddy that he was a bit miffed that Jackson hadn't called, and made his way to his room.

He checked his phone again. No missed calls, no text messages. He decided to ring Jackson, show willing to make up for last night.

The phone rang a couple of times before it went through to voicemail.

Aaron left a message. "It's me… just checking you're ok and to see if you fancied coming over… give me a shout… cheers."

For the second night running, Aaron lay on his bed staring at his phone waiting for Jackson to call but it never rang.

It was nearly midnight when finally it beeped into life with a text message.

_Had to sort stuff out, see you tomorrow_

That explains that, Aaron thought as he snuggled back down in bed. He'd had stuff to sort, fair enough. He lay there for a few minutes before reaching for the phone and reading the message again.

There was no kiss at the end, no wink, smiley face or even the J that he always ended his text messages with. Aaron read it again and put the phone back on the bedside table.

Stop being such a girl, Aaron he thought to himself. Jackson said it was fine and he believed him. And with that he finally went to sleep.


	23. Chapter 23

The next morning Aaron stood looking out of the kitchen window drinking his tea, not looking at anything in particular but scanning the road for a blue transit van. The nights he didn't stay at the Smithy, Jackson would normally call in on the way to work for coffee and to say hello away from the watchful eyes of Aaron's workmates.

Even though he'd slept well, Aaron's first thought on waking was the text message. Maybe he was reading too much into it but Jackson had reacted totally different to Aaron's strop on his birthday than he thought he would and Paddy's comments, combined with the lack of flirting on the text was starting to play on his mind. He'll be here in a minute, bounding through the door asking where his coffee and kiss was, Aaron thought, glancing up the road again and trying to stay positive. He heard Paddy coming down the stairs and moved away from the window.

"Looking for someone?" Paddy asked with a grin.

"No" Aaron answered a bit too quickly as he leant against the kitchen worktop.

"Didn't think so", the vet said laughing. "This mug for me?" Paddy gestured to the mug that sat on the worktop waiting for the boiling hot water to be added.

"Erm, yeah."

"So, everything alright with you and Jackson now then?"

"Yeah, told you last night, it's all sorted. Stop being so nosey, you woman!"

"Alright, just asking" Paddy replied. He took a sip of the coffee and screwed up his face. "Since when have I taken sugar?" He poured the coffee down the sink and headed towards the surgery door.

With Paddy out of the way, Aaron returned to the window to see if there was any sign of Jackson. He looked at his watch. He'd normally be here by now and Aaron was going to be late for work. Maybe his mum was making him late, Aaron thought. Yeah, bound to be something to do with his mum. She could talk the hind leg off a donkey that one. He grabbed his jacket and headed out of the door.

He was half way down the road towards the garage when he spotted the van parked outside Declan's. His stomach churned and all his insecurities came flooding back. Paddy was right; Jackson was obviously more upset about his strop then he was letting on.

Aaron quickened his pace. He wanted to get this sorted as soon as possible. He may have issues to deal with but the issue of being without Jackson wasn't one he wanted. He walked up to Declan's front door which stood open and headed inside.

"Jay… Jay… Jackson…" Aaron called out, looking around the ground floor and climbing the stairs when he couldn't find the builder. He called out again and found Jackson hammering floorboards in the front bedroom.

Jackson was miles away and didn't hear Aaron calling until he was standing right behind him, making him jump when he said his name.

"Flaming hell, you scared me. Where did you spring from?"

"I did shout when I came in. Sorry. Just wondered if you were ok?" Aaron was looking at Jackson, trying to find any signs of what the builder was thinking or feeling but Jackson kept glancing around, avoiding his stare.

"Yeah, I'm fine; just need to crack on that's all" Jackson said. He knew Aaron was watching him but Jackson was determined not to look into those blue eyes. He knew his resolve would crumble. All he'd done since his birthday was analyse how Aaron had reacted, relive every word Joe said, and think about his mum's comment. It was driving him mad because despite all the moods, the advice and the warnings of heartache, all Jackson wanted was to be with Aaron.

He had avoided his calls last night, knowing that if Aaron asked he'd come running. Jackson was becoming increasingly frustrated with himself. He chastised himself for the way he went along with everything Aaron wanted, how he made excuses for him, and had integrated himself into Aaron's world when Aaron never made any attempt to move into his.

But Aaron wasn't stupid and Jackson knew it would only be a matter of time before he asked what was wrong. The problem was Jackson needed to get things sorted in his own mind first and he just couldn't think when he was around Aaron.

Jackson got up off the floor to get some more nails.

"Where were you this morning? I had the coffee on" Aaron asked.

"I was running late. Been a bit slack lately so need to get caught up else I'll have Declan on my back."

Jackson went to return to the floorboards by Aaron blocked his way.

"Hey, am I not even going to get a proper hello?" He reached for Jackson's hand. The moment skin touched skin, Jackson sighed. He had no choice; he had to look at him now. As he did, Aaron moved his lips closer to Jackson's. The closer he came, the further Jackson's frustrations moved away. The kiss was soft at first, tentative almost, conveying their unspoken concerns, but as they reacquainted their mouths, a familiar passion returned and banished the events of the past couple of days.

Aaron came up for air first but kept a firm hold of Jackson's hand whilst his other reached up to caress his cheek. His fingers slowly circled the softness of his beard before making their way down to Jackson's chin. Aaron lifted Jackson's face, forcing him to look him in the eye once more.

"You've come here, with my friends and my family, and been there for me so much. You've put up with my moods, my hang ups, everything. I couldn't have asked for more but I know I don't make this easy. All I can promise is that I'm trying my best because as freaked out as I get, what freaks me out most is the thought of you not being there.

"I can't handle that so if you are pissed at me, tell me. Shout and scream, punch me even although I don't agree with violence." Aaron's remark made Jackson smirk and his stomach flipped once more. "Just don't shut me out Jay, please."

Jackson could see that Aaron meant every word. He had the same vulnerable expression on his face as he did that night in front of the Smithy when he told Jackson that he didn't want him to go; so unsure of himself but nevertheless forcing the words out.

"Then don't do that to me. Jackson whispered. "If you feel scared or worried about anything; if someone says or does something that rattles you, tell me because I'm here, with you. You're not on your own anymore. You've got me now, whether you like it or not."

Aaron smiled. Jackson could read him like a book and knew something had triggered his mood. He was right though, Aaron couldn't ask Jackson not to shut him out, if he was going to do exactly the same. They each needed to have confidence in the other else they would end up back in this position again.

They kissed again, with more intensity than passion. A slow, deep kiss that stirred them both and Aaron's hand left Jackson's face and made its way down his chest before reaching around his waist to pull Jackson closer.

As their bodies collided, Jackson's conversations with his mate, his mum and even himself were forgotten. He knew that there would be more hurdles along the way but held in Aaron's strong arms, torsos touching and tongues tasting each other, he didn't care. There was nothing anyone could say that would make him leave Aaron's embrace.

Well, except maybe for Cain.

"Aaron! You in there? Put loverboy down and get to bloody work!"


	24. Chapter 24

Jackson had had better days. Why was it that whenever his mum showed up, so did trouble? She'd only been moved into the flat for three days and had flooded the place. Jackson's flatmate had been angry enough but for the landlord it was just the excuse he needed. He'd got some city types looking for a flat and they were willing to pay double what Jackson was paying.

He'd spent most of the morning on the phone and was sat on the bench outside the Woollie still trying to reason with the Landlord or at least get his deposit back when Paddy came along. Hearing the conversation, he'd been quick to offer Jackson a place to stay until he got himself sorted. Jackson had refused straight away. As convenient as it would be, Jackson knew that he and Aaron weren't ready for that regardless of it being a temporary solution. But Paddy wouldn't take no for an answer and wouldn't let Jackson get a word in.

He'd gone to talk to Rhona but Jackson was hovering around waiting to explain to Paddy that he came with much more than an overnight bag.

Jackson waited for a break in their conversation before jumping in.

"Sorry, can I just have a quick word with you?"

Paddy rolled his eyes. "Oh my god, you're such a fretter. Get in!" motioning Jackson into the Woollie along with Rhona.

They entered the pub to find Aaron on his way out.

"What you still doing here, shouldn't you be back at work?" Paddy asked.

"Too busy trying to sell that flaming car to old ladies, aren't you?" teased Jackson.

"Shut it, you. I'm on my way back to work now unlike this one", Aaron said gesturing to Jackson, "who was in here entertaining a woman earlier…"

"The same woman you are trying to flog a motor to!" Jackson retorted. "Did she buy it?"

"Not yet but how can she resist with my selling technique" Aaron explained with a cheeky wink.

"Yeah, well I've seen your technique so I wouldn't hold your breath" Jackson said pulling a face.

Aaron laughed and playfully nudged his boyfriend. Paddy watched them. If they were at home, this would be his cue to leave the room. Their banter and play fights, no matter how innocent they started, always seemed like foreplay and Paddy wasn't staying around for that!

"Anyway never mind what I'm still doing here; what's with you two?" Before Paddy or Jackson could answer, Aaron's mobile rang. "It's Cain. I better go. See you later."

Jackson called after him but he was half way out the door. If Jackson was going to move in then he wanted to clear it with Aaron first, although there was still Hazel to contend with.

Paddy got him and Rhona a drink and they moved to a table, leaving Rhona to talk to Katie at the bar.

"Look Paddy, thanks for the offer but I don't think I can stay at yours because…"

"Is it you and Aaron? You seem alright. What's he done? As he said something?"

Jackson smiled. Paddy was so protective of Aaron and had done more than anyone could imagine for him and Jackson over the past few months.

"We're fine. It's not that. It's just that I've got my mum staying with me at the minute as well. So I need to find somewhere for the two of us. I'm not sure how Aaron would feel about me moving in, let alone my mum."

Paddy thought for a second. He couldn't see them stuck and it would only be till they got sorted out anyway. Surely Aaron would be ok with that.

"Bring your mum, it will be fine. Bit of a squeeze but we'll manage. And it's only while you get yourself sorted anyway. Aaron will be fine. Don't worry."

"Well, I'll run it past him before I do anything, if you're sure."

"Its fine" Paddy said, not a hundred per cent sure but it was done now.

"Thanks Paddy. I'll just pop the garage and see him then." They left the table, Jackson heading for the door and Paddy to the bar where Rhona was standing. "Everything ok" she asked. "Yeah, just having a couple of house guests" Paddy replied as he mentally crossed his fingers that everything would be ok.

Jackson walked out of the pub and headed for the garage when his phone rang. It was his mum. He rolled his eyes. As much as he loved his mum and was grateful for everything she'd done for him, sometimes he wondered who was the parent.

"Hi mum… yeah… I may have found us somewhere… if it's ok with Aaron, we can stay with him and Paddy for a few days… I need to ask him first… well, it's still early days mum, he might not want me moving in, let alone me and my mum… I'm sure it will be fine… I'm going there now… well, can't it wait... I really need to speak to him first… ok, I'll come and get you… but then I need to speak to Aaron… mum, ok but let me sort it… ok, see you in 15 minutes… bye."

Jackson sighed. Once she'd got something into her head, there was no stopping Hazel. She was insisting that he went and picked her up so she could have a look round the village. He wanted to run this by Aaron first. He didn't want to freak him out and ruin things.

He jumped in the van and drove to the flat to pick up his mum who had gathered her things together and stood on the doorstep.

"Thought we might as well take this stuff with us" she said.

"Mum, I haven't had chance to speak to Aaron about this yet. We just can't turn up with all our stuff."

"He'll be fine, stop worrying. Me and him got on like a house on fire the other week. He won't mind and if he does, well then he's not much of a boyfriend, leaving you in the lurch is he?"

There was no reasoning with her. Jackson threw the bags into the back of the van, gave her a bunk up into the van and headed off for the village.

As they pulled into the road, Jackson's stomach churned. He really didn't know how Aaron was going to react to them moving in. They pulled up outside Declan's.

"Mum, why don't you have a stroll up the road while I go into the garage and speak to Aaron. Give us ten minutes or so, eh?"

"Alright, I know what you are like, just like your dad. Worrying over nothing. It will be fine but if that's what you want, I'll give you some space."

They both got out of the van and headed their separate ways. Hazel up the road, Jackson into the unknown!


	25. Chapter 25

"Say something" Jackson said softly, not wanting to cause a row.

He was used to Aaron's moods and sulks but since he'd explained he was going on holiday, Aaron hadn't said a word although his face spoke volumes. He was obviously unhappy with the prospect but then he was already unhappy with the current living arrangements anyway so Jackson felt he couldn't win.

"What's there to say" Aaron eventually replied. "Sounds to me like you've got it all planned."

"Don't be like that. I'm trying to do what's best…"

"Best for who? For you? Your mum? Obviously not what's best for me. If you were doing what's best for me, you wouldn't be leaving me." Aaron was trying to stay calm but was struggling to keep his emotions in check, his feelings betraying him when he spoke.

"I'm not leaving you! I'm just going on holiday. I'll be back in a couple of weeks," Jackson explained. When he had thought this all out in his head when he was working this afternoon, he never expected for a minute that Aaron would react like this; he thought he'd be glad to see the back of him.

"That's just words, trying to justify it to yourself. You're going whatever you want to call it." Aaron stood up and headed towards the front door.

Jackson stood up to follow him. "Aaron, don't go. Stay and talk to me. You said you wouldn't shut me out anymore."

Aaron turned sharply and looked intensely at Jackson, the hurt in eyes overwhelming. "Me shut you out! You're the one who's closed the door mate."

He grabbed Clyde's lead and called to the dog just as Paddy and Hazel came back from the kitchen. Both instantly felt the tense atmosphere and looked between the two lads.

"Everything alright?" Paddy asked, hoping one of them would explain what was going on. Aaron looked at him and Paddy saw a familiar sadness in his eyes. "Yeah, just great" Aaron answered as he walked out of the door.

The three of them stood there looking at the door. Hazel was first to break the silence. "So I take it laughing boy hasn't got any happier today."

"Leave it mum, eh" Jackson answered sharply. As much as he was frustrated with Aaron's attitude towards his mum, he knew she could be a pain and the last thing he needed right now was her having a go about Aaron. Jackson was far too worried about him for that. He'd looked so hurt and Jackson couldn't stand that, that he had upset him despite the fact that Aaron had upset him on numerous occasions.

"Alright" Hazel said putting her hands up. "Know when to leave well alone, that's my motto. I think I'll turn in. I've got a new travel book on the go. Night all."

Paddy and Jackson said goodnight to her and sat back down in the living room. They both waited to hear the bedroom door close and Hazel walking around the bedroom before Paddy spoke.

"Do you want to tell me what's happened?"

Jackson sighed. "Please don't think I'm not grateful for you putting me and mum up Paddy but Aaron is obviously not happy about it and it's only been 24 hours. I dread to think what it will be like in a week. So I thought about it and decided that as I'm nearly finished at Declan's, I'm going to go on holiday for a couple of weeks and put mum up in the B&B. I just thought, with what happened over my birthday and now this, it would give him some space. I thought he'd be relieved but he's took it that I'm leaving him…"

"Well, you are, in his eyes anyway."

"It's just a holiday!" Jackson protested.

"To you maybe, but to Aaron it's just someone else he cares about getting as far away from him as possible. I didn't even know what had happened and I could see he was gutted."

Jackson sat forward and put his head in his hands.

"So what do I do?"

"Be honest. Is it just a holiday or is this you starting to back off as some sort of exit strategy."

Jackson looked at Paddy. "It's just a holiday, honest. I didn't want to scare him into thinking that I was pushing things again. I want to be with Aaron."

"I know but he doesn't make it easy, does he? Crikey, I know that better than anyone. He'll push you away just to test how much you'll put up. Talk to him; explain; it's all you can do."

Jackson stood up. "I better go and find him. Any ideas?"

"He could be anywhere. Why not let him calm down and talk to him when he gets back."

Jackson sat back down on the settee, waiting for his boyfriend to come home.

eeeeeeeeee

Aaron sat on the steps of the cricket pavilion, Cylde lying at his feet. He felt sick; his mind was racing and he was desperately trying to hold back the tears that were stinging his eyes.

It's my own fault. I pushed him away, Aaron thought to himself. I ruined his birthday, I'm rude to his mum, I'm moody, and I treat him more like a mate than a boyfriend. It's amazing he stayed this long.

Jackson hadn't said they were finished but Aaron wasn't stupid. He thought back to the conversation in the Smithy.

_We can see how things are when I get back_

He knew what that meant! Jackson would come back after two weeks of spending time with normal people, people who were happy to be gay, and realise that Aaron wasn't worth the trouble.

He thought about Jackson, all they had been through and he'd still forgiven Aaron. The blokes would be all over him in Ibiza or wherever it was he was going. Aaron trusted Jackson but who would blame him for lapping up the attention and maybe meeting someone new. He was gorgeous, something Aaron was happy to enjoy in private but not in public. He deserves to be with someone who makes him happy but the thought of him with anyone else just made Aaron feel even more sick.

Aaron held his head in his hands, growing more annoyed with himself. What's wrong with me? Why didn't I tell him that I didn't want him to go? I should have tried to be more patient with him, his mum. I need to stop being so moody and overreacting, thinking back to how he'd almost started on Nikhil the previous day. Most of all, I need to show Jackson and everyone else how I feel about him. It wasn't quite love but it wasn't far off. Aaron sighed again. But now I've ruined it now, ruined everything.

He looked at his watch. It was getting late but he couldn't face going home yet. He knew Jackson and Paddy would be worried but he couldn't handle speaking to them right now. He thought about phoning Adam but he couldn't face a girly conversation with him, plus what would he say.

_I think I've driven my boyfriend away and I'm scared he's going to dump me._

And that was the top and bottom of it. Aaron was scared. As scared, if not more so than when he came out. He was scared of what people would say; scared of hurting people if he couldn't control his temper; scared of losing Jackson; of him meeting someone else; but most of all he was scared to let his guard down and to fall completely in love with Jackson or to let Jackson love him.

The realisation of his fears allowed the silent tears to roll down his face. All he wanted to be was happy. Why did he make things so difficult for everyone?

Aaron sat there a while until the tears dried and the cold breeze made him shiver. He didn't know where to go; to his mum's and face her questions or home. It was time to go home.

eeeeeeeeeeeeeee

He slowly opened the door to the Smithy. The house was silent and in darkness apart from the lamp in the living room. Aaron walked into the lounge to switch the lamp off when he noticed Jackson curled up asleep on the settee.

Aaron walked over to him and sat on the edge of the seat, looking at Jackson. Once again, he felt his emotions rise, catching in his throat as he tried to control them. Without thinking, Aaron reached out and traced his fingers along Jackson's beard.

Feeling the tickle against his cheek and sensing someone sitting over him, Jackson slowly opened his eyes. He saw Aaron's blue eyes staring back at his and he sat up, curling his arms around Aaron's neck and pulling him close.

"Where have you been? You're freezing."

"Just walking, I'm sorry."

"What for? I'm the one that's sorry."

"I should be more patient and I shouldn't have been rude to your mum."

"Well I should have told her to wind her neck in and I should have explained better about the holiday. I'm just going for two weeks. I'm not leaving you for good."

They held each other tightly, Aaron resting his head on Jackson's shoulder.

You're not leaving me at all if I have anything to do with it Aaron thought to himself.


	26. Chapter 26

A/N: been struggling due to loads of stuff going on so apologies if this is not to normal standard, it's also a bit long but you can never get enough, eh! Also sorry for the repeat of the Woollie scene at the start but it's for the set up.

Disclaimer: They're not mine but I'm willing to put in an offer if you fancy selling them!

Jackson couldn't quite believe what he was hearing.

"It leaves me clear to come on holiday with you, I mean that's if you want me to?"

After his reaction to the news last night, Jackson had feared the worst when he'd got a text message from Aaron asking him to meet him in the pub, just us it said. Was Aaron going to use the holiday as an excuse to break up with him? He'd hoped not but then he never knew what mood he was going to be in lately. This was not what he had expected at all!

"I thought you might need a little break from me" Jackson replied, hiding his smile behind his pint glass.

"No" Aaron replied, looking around the pub to see who was in earshot. "But I think a break from the village is what we both need. And I've had a word with Paddy and your mum doesn't need to go back to the B he's happy for her to stay at ours. He's a lot braver than me though."

Jackson pulled a face, not quite able to take it all in. Aaron had arranged for his mum to stay!

"Looks like you've thought of everything" Jackson said with a beaming smile. He hadn't expected any of this.

"Well, I figured I kind of owed it you" Aaron said smiling. He could see Jackson was pleased at the news. Thank god for that, he thought. After all he'd had to beg Cain for the time off, talk his mum into paying for him to go and then convince Paddy to let Hazel stay. If Jackson had said he didn't want him to go, he didn't know what he would do!

"What do you mean you owed it to me?" Jackson asked puzzled.

"Well, I've hardly been the perfect boyfriend lately, have I?"

Jackson shifted forward in his seat, placed his elbows on the table, leaning closer to Aaron. Instinctively Aaron did the same as Jackson looked as if he had something serious to say.

"Aaron Livesy, did you just call yourself my boyfriend… out loud?"

Aaron felt the embarrassment rise through his face. "Shut up" he said playfully.

Jackson's face broke into a huge grin, the grin that had made Aaron's stomach flip the very first time he'd seen it when they had a drink in Bar West after Jackson had turned up in the village; the grin that still had that effect on him.

Jackson didn't want to ruin the mood but he had to, needed to ask: "Are you sure about this? I don't want to phone the travel agent in the morning and you've changed your mind. Plus it's a gay friendly resort so people are going to know we are together. Are you going to be comfortable with that?"

"Positive. And the whole village knows we're together, where we live and work every day, so strangers aren't going to bother me. I won't let them if it means I get to spend two weeks on a beach with you."

Their eyes fixed on each other. Underneath the table their legs had become entwined, calves touching, as if to compensate for the lack of physical touching above the table. The physical contact, no matter how minor, sent shivers through them both.

"What time's the flight?" Aaron asked, trying to make conversation. They must look like a right pair of muppets sitting there grinning at each other.

Jackson's eyes rolled and he laughed. "Not soon enough mate. Not soon enough."

They sat chatting about the holiday for a while. Jackson described the apartment and the resort. They talked about what there was to do, hiring mopeds during the day and the clubs they would visit at night. Every now and again their fingers would touch as they played with their pint glasses and cardboard beer mats as they talked. Each time it would take longer for them move apart, they were so totally focused on each other.

Jackson sat back on the seat and necked the rest of his pint. "Drink up, we're going" he said gesturing to Aaron.

"Why? We've only had one and I don't know about you but I don't want to be sitting in front of the TV with your mum and Paddy."

"Because boyfriend, Jackson said emphasising the latter; "if we don't leave now I'm going to kiss you right here and then have my wicked way with you on this very table. Something I don't think the regulars would be too pleased about!

They walked out of the door to the Woolpack and Aaron went to turn towards home but Jackson grabbed his arm and pulled him around the side of the pub. Pushing him against the wall, Jackson took possession of Aaron's mouth while his hands roamed over his back.

Aaron responded immediately, forgetting the surroundings and allowing himself to be swept up in the passion and desire of the moment. Their mouths broke for air but their hands continued to explore.

"Sorry, couldn't wait" Jackson said with a smirk. They kissed again, with even more passion than either thought possible.

With his body pressing against Aaron's as it leaned against the brick, it was hard for Jackson to ignore the stiffness that he felt through his jeans. He lowered his hand down Aaron's chest and beyond the waistband of his jeans, moving his kisses from Aaron's lips to his neck.

The way Aaron looked in his fitted top combined with him going to so much trouble to join him on holiday had tipped Jackson over the edge. After the turbulence of the past few days, all Jackson wanted was to be as close to Aaron as possible and right now you couldn't get a stamp between them.

As Aaron felt Jackson's hand reaching his crotch, he remembered where he was and the fact it was still daylight. He grabbed Jackson's arm. "We can't! Not here!" Aaron said breathlessly. He looked at Jackson, his eyes overcome with lust. "Its still light, someone might see us."

Jackson rested his forehead against Aaron's. "Sorry but I can't help it. With what you've done… wanting to come on holiday with me… and that top, I need to feel you, taste you right now!" They kissed again.

"Well, it can't happen here" Aaron said laughing. We'll end up getting arrested and I've just finished one lot of community service cos of you, I don't want another stint."

"Where then?" Jackson asked, getting impatient. "Like you said my mum and Paddy are at home."

Aaron thought for a minute before asking: "Have you got the keys to Declan's?"

Jackson sighed. "Gave them back this afternoon when I'd done. Have you got the garage keys?"

"They're at home. I've got the keys to the Fiesta?"

"Are you having a laugh? As much as I want you, I'm not risking putting my back out in the backseat of that heap. We're going to have to go home. There's nowhere else!"

Now it was Aaron's turn to sigh. "That's not ideal is it? Bad enough when it's just Paddy in but your mum as well. It's not like we can give them twenty quid and ask them to come back in a couple of hours."

Jackson thought for a minute. "Right, we go in, tell them you're coming on holiday with me and we're going upstairs to pack. Don't give them chance to ask questions, fuss or anything. Paddy will be fine because he already knows. My mum's going to be the one so don't get into a conversation with her. OK?"

"Erm, I'm not exactly her favourite person so she's not going to say much to me" Aaron answered as he straightened his top and jeans.

The two lads walked as fast as they could to the Smithy, nudging and teasing each other all the way.

From the way they burst into the door, Paddy knew that Jackson had agreed to Aaron's plan. There was no mistaking it from the smiles spread across both of their faces.

Talking across each other, they filled Hazel and Paddy in on the plan in the fastest time possible and using as few words as they could. They didn't give Hazel the chance to speak before they made the excuse of having to pack their suitcases and headed up the stairs.

As they left the room, Hazel started flapping about washing but realising that the lads just wanted some space, Paddy managed to change the subject. He'd been in the house with them both enough now to know the signs and that was definitely them wanting to be alone.

They crashed onto the bed as they ran up the stairs and into the bedroom, grabbing each other's clothes, touching and biting any exposed skin. The sense of urgency added to the electricity between them. Within seconds rather than minutes, clothes had been discarded and they lay naked wrapped in each other.

Jackson trailed kisses from Aaron's mouth down the entire length of his body, stopping only to tease him by nipping his skin along the way. Wasting no time, he took Aaron into his mouth and continued to suck and bite as Aaron grabbed the bed covers, overwhelmed by the attention.

Aaron clamped his mouth shut, trying to be quiet so not to disturb those downstairs but as his body contracted and he felt the climax surge through him, he started to moan. Jackson swiftly moved to capture the moans with his mouth, Aaron tasting himself on Jackson.

Jackson moved his kisses along Aaron's collarbone and to his ear. "I need to feel you" he whispered. Aaron shivered with the sensation of his hot breath on his ear and, hooking his leg around Jackson's, flipped them over so he was now on top of Jackson and could meet his boyfriend's demands.

Hazel and Paddy were sitting in the lounge watching the news, when Paddy heard a familiar sound. The floorboards in Aaron's room creaking. This was his cue. It was a sound he had become used to over the past couple of months. He knew more noises would follow and didn't relish the thought of sitting on the settee with Jackson's mum while her son and Aaron were embroiled in the throes of passion.

"Hazel, fancy popping to the pub. I could introduce you to some of the locals if you are going to be staying a while."

"Yeah, if you like" she replied. "Although maybe I should stay here in case the boys need any help with their packing."

Paddy stood up and grabbed their coats. "I think they'll be fine" he said as he opened the door for them to leave.


	27. Chapter 27

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to Eleven_Eleven…

Disclaimer: These characters don't belong to me, so don't make me pay for them!

Chas walked out of the café and headed towards the factory.

"Mum"

She turned and was surprised to see Aaron walking towards her. She had only just left him and Jackson in the café.

"What's up? Didn't I leave enough money for my cappuccino?" she said puzzled.

Aaron laughed. "No it's not that. I just wanted to give you this."

He looked embarrassed as he handed her the yellow duty free carrier bag.

Chas smiled as she took the bag and peered inside. Reaching into the bag, she pulled out a box which contained a bottle of her favourite perfume.

She just about managed to say thanks as she swallowed the lump that had developed in her throat.

"Don't you like it? Have I got the wrong one? I said to Jay I wasn't 100 per cent sure which one it was. I recognised the box but I still smelt about 20 different bottles before we went to the till."

Chas looked at him and smiled. She reached her hand to cup the side of his face.

"It's perfect, love."

"Good. I know it seems daft that I spent money on a present for you when you lent me the money to go on holiday with so it's like you've brought it yourself but I just wanted to say thanks."

"You're welcome, love. It seems you and _Jay_ had a good time then?"

Aaron blushed as she exaggerated his nickname for Jackson. "Yeah, we had a great time. And I promise I will pay you back."

"No rush." Chas said as she gestured to the wall outside the café. She sat down and seeing she wanted to chat Aaron sat next to her.

"So what happens now then?"

Aaron looked at her puzzled.

"With you and Jackson, now you're back home."

"Ah, Aaron said understanding what she meant. "Well, we've decided if it's ok with Paddy, that we're going to live together at Paddy's for a while so we can save to get our own place."

Chas straightened up and Aaron saw the shock on her face. He rolled his eyes, wishing he'd not said anything.

"Do you think you're ready for that? He's not rushing you into things is he? I mean I like him and all that but don't let him push you into something you're not ready for? Not after everything you've been through. You need to go at your own pace, what you feel comfortable with and not be…"

Aaron cut her off mid-flow. "I asked him! It was my idea."

"Oh!"

"And he more or less came up with every reason why we shouldn't move in together just like you did and I managed to convince him otherwise so we're going to see how it goes."

"Right, Chas said nodding as she took it all in. "You sound very sure that this is what you want."

Aaron nodded as he looked at her. "It is, mum. We've just spent the last two weeks concentrating on sorting things out, being together and it's been amazing." Aaron blushed again. "It's what we both want."

"Then I'm pleased for you, love." Chas said proudly. Gone was the mixed up boy she was normally confronted with and in his place was a man who knew what he wanted. The boy was still there and she was sure she would see him again soon but for now she welcomed the introduction to this gentleman.

"So is it a love job then, you and him" Chas said gesturing towards the café.

"Pftt I don't know!"

"Well does he love you?"

Aaron raised his eyebrows. "Ask me an easy question why don't you. Buggered if I know."

"Pardon the pun" Chas quipped, instantly regretting it in case it upset him.

"What" said Aaron not catching the joke?

"Nothing."

"There something else" Aaron said his face becoming serious.

"What? You're not pregnant are you?" she said nudging him to lighten the mood.

He gave her half a smile and shook his head. "I'm sorry." His head dropped and he looked at the floor to avoid her gaze.

"What for?" Chas didn't understand.

Aaron took a deep breath. This was long overdue and he'd talked at some length about it with Jackson while they were away. He knew it needed to be said. It was time.

"For what I did; At the garage. I wasn't thinking about anyone but myself and I should have. I should have realised how you would have felt, how scared you must have been. I'm sorry I put you through that and I promise I'll never do anything like that again."

Chas blinked back the tears that threatened to fall.

"It wasn't all your fault. It was mine too. If I'd have been there for you like a proper mother would have been, if you could have come to me then maybe that would never have happened. You would have never have felt that it was your only option. If I was more like Hazel…"

Now it was Aaron's turn to lighten the mood. "Er, no thank you. I can only just about cope with her being Jackson's mum let alone mine!"

Chas forced a smile. "Bet she helped Jackson though, when he came out."

"Yeah she did but you helped me once I let you. But you know what I'm like, stubborn like my mum." Aaron rolled his eyes for effect and nudged his mum's arm.

"Right I'd better go. Pearl's waiting for her test drive."

"Ok, thanks for this" Chas said raising the carrier bag. "Did er… did Hazel like her present? What did you get her?"

Aaron smiled. He'd noticed his mum's reaction in the café when Hazel had said Jackson had called her while they were away and was sorry he hadn't called her. He'd just wanted a complete break from the village.

"Jackson just got her some booze but I wanted to get you something a bit special because of what you'd done."

The smile spreading across Chas's face told him he'd said the right thing.

They both stood up and Chas wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly.

"Welcome home son, nice to have you back."

"Thanks."

Aaron then said something that Chas had given up hope of ever hearing from him. Something that left her walking four foot off the ground and kept her smiling the rest of the day.

"Love ya, mum."


	28. Chapter 28

A/N: Was really bugged by the coffee cup scene so wrote this to clear my head. Let me know what you think. Reviews much appreciated xx

Disclaimer: These characters don't belong to me, so don't make me pay for them!

Aaron walked back from the church hall and headed towards home. His hands were rooted deep in his pockets and his head hung low, his feet scuffing the ground. He hadn't had the best of days as it turned out.

He'd been chuffed to bits when Pearl and Alan had turned up at the garage that morning to look at the Fiesta again and even more so when, with a bit of a nudge from Cain, Pearl had handed over a deposit.

He knew Jackson wasn't happy about it. Aaron could tell that from how quickly he had stomped off after throwing the coffee he had brought him on the ground in an over dramatic fashion. Aaron had thought about going after him but he wanted to get into town and back so had decided to leave it till later. He would calm down, Jackson always did.

He texted Jackson when he got back.

_Meet me for lunch… unless you've fallen out with me :-(( Woolie at 1pm x_

Jackson's silence spoke volumes and Aaron wasn't surprised when he saw him walking towards the pub just before 1pm. He was surprised however when Jackson told Paddy about him selling the car to Pearl and he had both of them on his back. Jackson's supposed to be on my side he thought.

In fact the only person on his side was Hazel. She'd argued his case to Paddy in the café after work but Paddy was adamant and Aaron could see there was no shifting him. Hazel had even gone with him to the Church Hall, where the art class was, when he told Pearl that the car was no longer for sale and returned her deposit. He was trying to be more tolerant of Hazel since they had come back from holiday but today was the first time he actually enjoyed her being around.

Now as he walked towards the Smithy, he wondered if what was going to greet him at home would be as bad as what he would get when he got into work tomorrow and told Cain that the Fiesta was back on the market.

He took a deep breath as he opened the front door. The kitchen was empty but he could hear the TV on in the lounge. He knew Hazel was teaching her art class so it wasn't her. It was either Paddy or Jackson.

He saw the brown curls of his boyfriend's head resting against the back of the settee. Aaron walked into the lounge and round the settee not sure if he was concentrating on the program or asleep.

"Hiya"

Jackson shifted in the chair. "I must have dozed off. What time is it?"

"Nearly six."

"Have you worked over? You're normally straight out the door come finishing?"

Aaron sat down next to Jackson, staring straight ahead.

"I had to go and see Pearl."

"What to see if you could fleece anymore cash out of her." Jackson said bitterly.

Aaron turned sharply to look at Jackson. "No actually. To give her the deposit back and tell her the car was off the market. Ask your mum if you don't believe me!"

Aaron went to get up but Jackson grabbed his arm and pulled him back onto the settee.

"Hold up. Don't go charging off. Why the change of heart?"

"I didn't have much choice with you and Paddy on my case. Then again, when Cain finds out I might change my mind back. Don't know which is worse!"

Jackson nudged his arm. "You've done the right thing."

"Tell that to Cain. He's going to go mental" Aaron scoffed.

"Well you'll handle him. You know he doesn't mean it when he has a go."

Aaron looked at Jackson shocked. "Are you having a laugh? When it comes to money he means every word! The last thing I need is him winding me up."

Jackson threw his arm around Aaron's shoulders. "Don't worry I'll protect you."

"Whatever" Aaron replied with half a shrug of the shoulders, designed to show he wasn't bothered but not enough to dislodge Jackson's arm.

Jackson was silent for a minute. He was registering something Aaron had said earlier.

"Hang on, how come my mum knows all about Pearl's refund?"

"Well unlike you and Paddy, she was on my side about the car but when I decided that it would be less hassle to give Pearl the money back, your mum came with me to back me up."

Jackson grinned. "You and my mum… on the same side. That's a first!"

"Yeah well she had my back today unlike my boyfriend who was nagging like an old woman and had a strop this morning. I hope you enjoyed your coffee!"

"Actually I didn't drink it."

"Why?" Aaron asked puzzled.

"It hadn't got any sugar in."

"You didn't sugar your coffee? How come?" Aaron didn't get it.

A small smile crept across Jackson's face. "I did sugar mine but the one I had didn't have any in."

Aaron looked at him for a minute, not understanding before the penny dropped with a bang.

"Hold on, are you telling me that when you had your strop this morning, the coffee that you so dramatically threw on the floor wasn't even mine; it was yours!"

Jackson looked at the floor, sheepishly.

"Well?" Aaron demanded.

"Yeah" Jackson finally admitted.

Aaron grinned. "You muppet!"

Jackson squeezed his shoulder. "Shut it you" he laughed.

Aaron turned and planted a kiss on his surprised lips. "For that I'll have coffee and a bacon buttie tomorrow."

"Oh really" Jackson said before responding by kissing him back.

They sat for a minute smiling at each other, the tension of the day fading away.

Jackson broke the silence. "Do you realise that this is the first time we've had the house to ourselves since we got home?" He raised his eyebrows expectantly.

Aaron tried not to smile but he felt his mouth twitch, giving him away.

"Really? I hadn't realised. Why do you want control of the remote?"

Jackson laughed. "Oh like that is it. OK." He moved his arm off Aaron's shoulder and placed his hand on Aaron's knee as he shifted forward in his seat. "Well I'm going to take a shower. Feel free to join me if you like. I promise not to nag you."

He got up and walked out of the lounge. Jackson hadn't made it up three stairs when he heard footsteps behind him. Without looking back, he reached back his arm, searching and finding Aaron's hand. Fingers entwined, they reached the top of the stairs. Jackson turned to see his boyfriend smiling at him. The holiday may have been a distant memory but the closeness was still there. Jackson wondered for how long though if there were more days like today to come.


	29. Chapter 29

Disclaimer: These characters don't belong to me, so don't make me pay for them!

"Unbelievable" Jackson said heading for the door.

Aaron thought about going after him, thinking he was heading for the front door but soon heard Jackson trudging up the stairs, taking his mood out on every step. He'll calm down Aaron thought. Give him ten minutes and things will be back to normal.

He stayed leaning against the worktop. He hadn't expected that when he walked in the door but it seemed like everyone wanted to have their say about Mickey. Even Terry and Rodney had stuck their oar in.

It had unnerved Aaron how everyone was worried about this weirdo but he wasn't about to let on. Plus Cain had said to front up to him and he'd dealt with loads of blokes like Mickey in his time so Aaron had took his advice and toughed it out. He'd told him no refunds, looked him straight in the eye. No, Mickey had got the message he wouldn't be back… would he?

He turned and grabbed the orange juice carton out of the fridge taking a long swig from the container as he thought about what Jackson had said. Was he trying to be Cain? They were related so bound to be some similarities between them. Well, there are worse people to be like. He's got a nice house, own business, some cash in his pocket, a criminal record…

Aaron rolled his eyes as if to dismiss the thoughts from his mind. Now who was sounding like an old woman! Jackson was just over reacting, being dramatic as usual. Did he really think Mickey was going to do something to Hazel thinking back to his comment? Crikey his money would be on Hazel if her and Mickey ever went toe to toe.

He cocked his head, listening for movement upstairs but couldn't hear anything. Bet he's lying on the bed brooding Aaron thought. He checked his watch. It had been nearly 20 minutes since he stormed off. Time to go and make peace…

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Jackson had got upstairs and sat on the end of the bed. He had wanted to leave, to go for a walk to blow off some steam, but he knew his mum would be back soon and he didn't like the thought of leaving her in the house on her own with that nutter knowing where they lived. Aaron was right; his mum could handle herself but she shouldn't have to. Aaron shouldn't have put any of them in this position.

As much as he tried, Jackson didn't understand why Aaron got himself in these situations and why he didn't listen to those who were only trying to look out for him. No, that was too easy for Aaron. He had to take advice from Cain.

If he hadn't butted in, Jackson was sure he could have persuaded Aaron to give Mickey a refund but Aaron had dug his heels in now, pride and wanting to save face taking over as usual. This was what stuck in Jackson's throat most. Aaron's need to be the hard man, to show people he wasn't scared, to intimidate people rather than try and get along with them. He'd never understand why how Aaron looked to everybody else was so important to him rather than doing the right thing.

And that wasn't something that stemmed from him being gay. That was just the way he was built. With the influences and upbringing in his life, Jackson could see why he was like that. What Jackson couldn't get his head around was that Aaron didn't want to change, didn't see why he didn't have to be like that anymore; not guarded and on the defensive all the time.

It was when Aaron dropped his guard that Jackson loved him most; the vulnerable and caring side that he'd only show when they were alone. It was that side that had stopped Jackson walking away time and time again. It was that side that he'd spent two wonderful weeks with on holiday, a holiday that now seemed a long time ago.

However indestructible Aaron thought he may be Jackson knew he wasn't and he was seriously worried that things with Mickey would get worse before they got better.

Jackson sat messing with the cross that hung on a chain around his neck, something he did when he was thinking. It was a comfort thing that he had done ever since he'd been given the necklace but he'd never used it in its proper capacity before until now. He prayed that Mickey would leave them alone and stay away from Aaron for good.

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Aaron got to the top of the stairs and leant against the frame of the open bedroom door watching Jackson as he sat on the bed.

"You going to sit up here all night? Aaron asked softly.

Jackson turned his head towards Aaron's voice but stayed sitting on the bed. He didn't answer him, not really sure what to say.

Aaron couldn't stand the silence, the distance between them. He moved towards the end of the bed. "Come on, Jay…"

"Oh it's Jay now is it!" Jackson sighed. "This week I've been your mate, I've been the 'old woman' but never once have you thought to listen to me as your boyfriend. The one that has your back... always, the one that doesn't want to see you hurt and the one who cares about you most!"

Aaron could see from the look in his beautiful big brown eyes how upset and genuinely worried Jackson was but he still didn't get it. Hadn't Jackson realised that he could look after himself. He was used to it; he didn't know any different or any better.

"I don't know what you are getting to wound up about. I've told him straight where he stands so he knows there is no messing. Please Jay, let's not argue." Aaron placed his hand on Jackson's shoulder.

Jackson shrugged Aaron's hand away which surprised the teenager. That had never happened before. Normally Aaron would say sorry in his own way, Jackson would look at him with his puppy dog eyes and then they would tumble on the bed and make up.

But tonight there was no making up, no tumble onto the bed. Tonight it was different. Tonight when they barely spoke all evening and Jackson went straight to sleep without so much as a goodnight kiss, Aaron knew it would take a lot more to get his boyfriend back on side.


	30. Chapter 30

Disclaimer: These characters don't belong to me, so don't make me pay for them!

Aaron stood enveloped in Paddy's arms and sobbed, distraught that his beloved dog had gone and consumed by the knowledge that it was his actions that had triggered Clyde's demise.

Jackson stood leaning against the wall, fighting back the tears at seeing his boyfriend's hurt and pain. He felt guilty now for being so blunt with Aaron but someone had to make him see that he needed to stop and think things through rather than reacting with his fists and lashing out all the time.

He didn't want to add to Aaron's hurt but he was scared for them all, in particular Aaron. He needed him to realise that by seeking retribution, he would only cause more pain and suffering. Paddy would soft soap the subject, fearful of Aaron's response and the fallout of his temper but Jackson couldn't hold back. He hated violence and would not stand by and watch while Aaron self destructed as he let his anger take hold and planned revenge.

When Aaron had cried all his tears on Paddy's shoulder, the vet indicated that it would be best if they left the surgery so that he could see to Clyde. There were things that needed to be done that he didn't want Aaron to see or think about.

Jackson put his arm around Aaron's shoulder as they walked out of the surgery and back into the house. Aaron was completely drained and welcomed the support as Jackson led him into the lounge.

"Do you want a drink or anything… or maybe you just want to go to bed?" Jackson asked, not sure what to say. The last conversation they had became quite heated and there was still plenty more to say but Jackson could see that now was not the time.

"I couldn't sleep if I wanted to. My head's spinning. I just can't believe this has happened."

"I know. You've had a shock. Look why don't I run you a bath. It might help you relax and calm you down."

Aaron nodded but Jackson wasn't sure if he'd really taken in what was being said. He was in a daze, clearly devastated at the loss of his beloved pet.

Jackson took Aaron's hand and led him up the stairs to their bedroom, sitting him on the edge of the bed while he went into the bathroom and turned on the taps. He filled the tub with water adding some muscle relaxant in the hope that is would help to calm Aaron down.

He returned to the bedroom to find Aaron sitting in exactly the same position, not moving a muscle.

"Aaron, come on, let's get you in the bath" Jackson said softly.

Aaron allowed himself to be moved and even stood while Jackson practically undressed him and helped him climb into the bath. There was nothing sexual about it. It was purely comfort that Jackson was offering even though he yearned to take Aaron in his arms, kiss his sadness away and make everything all right.

Jackson went to leave the bathroom when Aaron finally spoke.

"Will you stay with me for a bit? I don't want to be on my own."

Jackson half smiled and knelt at the side of the bath. "Course I will. Do you want to talk about it?"

"I can't, not yet." Aaron's face crumpled again and the tears began to flow once more.

Jackson pulled Aaron towards him and kissed the side of his head. "Ssh its ok, I'm here."

They sat in this awkward position for a few minutes until Jackson saw Aaron start to shiver. He picked up the sponge and began soaking it in the hot water before pressing it against Aaron's skin to release the hot fluid against his skin.

As the tears dried, Aaron stared into space. His eyes taking on a hardness as he replayed the day's events in his mind. As much as the water and being bathed had relaxed him, his thoughts were now making his temperature rise.

Jackson sensed the tension returning to Aaron's body, the muscles in his face starting to contract.

"Aaron talk to me, tell me what you are thinking" hoping that verbalising his feelings might help release the building tension.

"You don't want to know" Aaron said sharply.

"I do, you can tell me anything. Please"

Aaron looked at Jackson, the cold steel blue of his eyes meeting the warm chocolate brown of his boyfriend's. "I'm thinking that I'm going to make that nutter pay for this."

Jackson sighed. "Aaron we've been through this. If you retaliate, then he will and it will keep going until someone gets hurt or worse."

"So want do you want me to do, just let him get away with it. Let him get away with killing Clyde?"

"I don't see how you've got any other choice. You can't go to the police because you'll get in a bother for the car. I don't see any other option than notching it up to experience."

Aaron's voice started to rise. "Notch it up to experience. Are you kidding? He killed my dog! It's his fault that Clyde is dead."

"Well it's not just his fault is it? I mean I know ultimately it was his dog but like I said before if you hadn't gone round there with Clyde this morning…"

Aaron cut him off. "Thanks for your support. Might know you'd think it was all my fault. I can't do anything right in your eyes!" He rose out of the bath, grabbed a towel from the rail and stormed into the bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

Jackson sat on the bathroom floor for a few minutes before draining the bath, hoping to give Aaron time to calm down again. He walked across the landing to the bedroom, taking a deep breath as he entered the room.

He was surprised to see Aaron fully dressed, thinking that he would have got into bed.

"What are you doing?" Jackson asked, fearing he already knew the answer.

"I'm going out!" Aaron snapped.

"Where to?"

Aaron just looked at Jackson before barging past him and heading down the stairs into the kitchen. Jackson immediately followed him. He had to stop him or god knows what Aaron would do.

Grabbing his steel toe capped boots, Aaron sat at the kitchen table in order to finish getting ready.

"You can take them off. You're not going anywhere" Jackson demanded.

"And who's going to stop me" Aaron challenged as he stood up.

Jackson moved closer to him, trying to keep control of his temper, not wanting to make the situation worse. "If you want to leave this house tonight than you are going to have to go through me. I don't care how many times you have to hit me. I'm not going to let you do this!"

They stared at each other for a minute or two before Paddy entered from the surgery.

"What's going on? Everything ok?"

Seeing how exhausted Paddy looked, Jackson decided to spare the vet from being involved.

"Its fine Paddy, we're sorting it" Jackson replied.

Sensing that it wasn't entirely true but realising he had interrupted them, Paddy said good night and headed up the stairs.

"Get in there" Jackson demanded, gesturing Aaron towards the lounge.

Reluctantly Aaron did as he was told and sulkily rested on the arm of the chair.

"Aaron, can't you see the bigger picture here. You've already lost your dog today. What else are you going to lose? What's got to happen for you to realise that you can't win with this nutter."

"I've got nothing to lose!" Aaron snapped

"Well, I'm sure I speak for your mum, Paddy and Adam when I say thanks very much."

"I didn't mean that. I meant that he can't take anything else away from me. I won't let him!"

"He didn't take Clyde from you! You practically gave him away with the stunt you pulled today!"

"And that's why I can't let him get away with it. Why can't you understand that? Why can't you be on my side?"

"Because you're wrong and this is only going to end in tears. But I tell you now, you keep going with this and they won't be mine. I'll be long gone."

"Oh here we go, wondered how long it would take for that to start. Nobody is forcing you to be here."

Jackson stared at him, the words hitting him like a tonne of bricks. "At least I know where I stand."

Aaron brushed his hands over his head. "You should be standing by me. Not having a go. Mickey needs to pay for what he's done today, one way or the other!"

"And how are you going to pay for it? By getting sent down for GBH this time or are you not planning to stop at giving him a beating. How far does this have to go before you see sense?"

"As far as it needs to!" Aaron roared.

Jackson shook his head. "There's no reasoning with you, is there? Go on then; go and do your worst. Beat him up, kill his dog, torch his car, whatever makes you feel like a big hard man."

Jackson walked towards the lounge door.

"Where you going?" Aaron demanded.

"To bed!"

Aaron stormed towards the door. "You're not sleeping in my bed. If you can't stand by me, then there's no way I want you to lie next to me." His face scowled as he spat out the words.

Jackson reeled. The words had hit harder than the punch that Aaron had landed on him in the early days of their relationship. It was the final blow.

Aaron could see the impact his words had on Jackson and for a second he knew he had overstepped the mark but once again his pride and temper kicked in, the bravado running through his body and controlling his mind.

Defeated Jackson sat on the settee. "I'll be sleeping here then" he said softly.

"Good" Aaron spat as he headed towards the kitchen and to the stairs.

Jackson sat there, his head spinning and his heart aching. At least he's gone to bed rather than going out to find Mickey, Jackson thought.

Eventually he grabbed one of the throws and a cushion and created a make shift bed for himself. As he lay there he realised that he couldn't spend another night under the same roof as Aaron again.


	31. Chapter 31

Disclaimer: These characters don't belong to me, so don't make me pay for them!

"Can you slam the door on your way out please… thank you."

Jackson steadied himself against the back of the settee. Well that had gone about as well as he expected. He knew Aaron would be round, had known that he wouldn't understand why Jackson was so upset and why he'd moved out.

Aaron was right about one thing. He was a coward for leaving without telling him but Jackson knew it was the only way he would go through with it. Self preservation; that was his reasoning. He knew that if he'd have told Aaron what he was doing, he'd have been talked into staying and the cracks were becoming too wide to paper over anymore.

Jackson loved Aaron, he was certain of that, but he just couldn't live like this anymore. If he'd have sat Aaron down in the lounge at the Smithy to tell him, he would have looked at those piercing blue eyes and remembered their first real kiss; in their bedroom, he'd have relived night after night that they had spent enraptured in each other, and he would have never made it out of the door.

So yes, he left without explaining, knowing that Aaron would come looking for answers and hoping his resolve would hold if they were on neutral territory. It had held while Aaron had been there but now, as he took the last of his belongings out of the holdall, Jackson's strong façade started to break.

It only took a single tear to open the floodgates and before he knew it, Jackson was sat on the sofa in his new home crying his heart out. He cried for every cross word they had ever had, every kind gesture Aaron had ever made and for the future they could have had if things had been different.

He thought back to their holiday, the wonderful time they had together, and the conversation they had about living together. He had known then it was too soon but had allowed Aaron to talk him into it and became annoyed with himself for not sticking to his guns; for allowing himself the delusion that they could come back to the village and continue to live in the bubble they had created in Lanzarote.

Jackson's tears continued to flow as he thought about what to do next. He was only in Emmerdale because of Aaron but he couldn't stay here now. He couldn't bear to see him every day; it had been hard enough before they got together but now…

A knock at the door startled him. He quickly brought his emotions under control as he walked towards the door, unsure of who it could be. What if it was Aaron? Jackson didn't want him to find him in this state. As he got to the door, he took a deep breath.

"Jackson, it's me. Let me in, love. I just want to check you're alright."

It was the first time in ages that Jackson had been glad to hear his mother's dulcet tones. He opened the door and as soon as his eyes met hers, the tears started to fall again. Hazel walked in the house, pulling her son into a comforting embrace and assuring him that it would be ok; even though she wasn't sure it would be as long as Aaron was on the scene.

eeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Aaron had left Jackson's new home even more confused and angry then he was before. This was the last thing he needed after losing Clyde. Why did Jackson think he was bored? He'd asked him to live with him! If he didn't want him around, he wouldn't have asked would he?

And why couldn't Jackson see why he needed to sort Mickey out? He couldn't let him get away with what he'd done to Clyde; no way was he going to just to pacify Jackson.

He went back to the garage and spent the next couple of hours banging as many surfaces and engine parts as he could with tools. He didn't achieve much apart from working off some of his aggression while his mind continued to race, trying to make some sense of the past 24 hours. This time yesterday he had a dog who he loved dearly and a boyfriend he couldn't imagine being without. Now he had neither.

Life without Jackson; in all the frustration and anger it hadn't occurred to Aaron that Jackson wasn't going to be a part of his life anymore. What if he moved away, left the village. He'd moved into Andy's but for how long?

Unable to concentrate anymore Aaron headed for home, turning sharply when he heard a familiar laugh behind him. He saw Jackson laughing with his mate as they climbed into a car. He recognised his mate, having met him before, and although he knew he was straight, a pang of jealously hit Aaron square in the chest before the hurt and anger grew again. Jackson was laughing; he wasn't even bothered they had fallen out. Where were they going; Bar West so he could find someone new already? Aaron scowled, knowing deep down that was the last thing Jackson would do.

He walked into the Smithy to find Paddy in the kitchen. Suddenly feeling drained he slumped down at the kitchen table.

Paddy had been much more diplomatic than Jackson when it came to pointing the finger of blame but the answer was still the same. Clyde would still be alive if Aaron had just paid Mickey back and Jackson would be sitting opposite him at the kitchen table.

He held Clyde's casket in his hands for the next hour or so, hoping that it would give him comfort but it only made him feel the loss more and Rhona's unfortunate timed joke only made things worse. Clyde hadn't left him; he'd been taken from him but Jackson had left on his own accord, abandoned him when he needed him most.

As another wave of grief hit him, Aaron's hurt and anger resurfaced. He'd gathered all of Jackson's belongings in a black bin liner, rowing with Paddy and Hazel in the process, and unceremoniously dumped them on Andy's doorstep. He'd hesitated, knowing what statement it made but had still gone through with it.

The last person he'd wanted to bump into was his mum but her parting words has stuck with him as he walked towards the field at the bottom of the village where he took Clyde every day and was planning on scattering his ashes.

"_You don't always have to lose everything, Aaron. If you want another chance then you're going to have to go and ask him for it… and I'd do it quick if I was you."_

He ran his hands over his head as he leant on the oak gate. _Do I want another chance? _Everything was much simpler before he came out but he didn't want to go back to how things were before, living a lie. _Do I want to be with Jackson? _He knew the answer without even asking the question. He couldn't bear the thought of being without him.

Aaron pulled his mobile phone out of his pocket and opened his messages, wincing at the angry texts he had sent Jackson earlier. His thumbs moved across the keypad, typing quickly in case he chickened out.

He hit the send button and waited for a response, hoping Jackson would accept his invitation and praying that he could convince him to forgive him.


	32. Chapter 32

Disclaimer: These characters don't belong to me, so don't make me pay for them!

"Because I love ya!"

The minute the words left his mouth, Jackson regretted it but it was the only honest answer he could give to Aaron's barrage of questions. Seeing the shocked expression on Aaron's face, he knew that Aaron was freaking out.

"Aaron, please can we just…"

But he was already running, turning on his heels and heading for the safety of Smithy Cottage.

"No, I'll get you your money back" he threw over his shoulder.

Aaron couldn't get into the house quick enough. He needed some distance, a chance to think. Aaron knew Jackson was following him but he couldn't talk to him, not now, not yet.

"I don't want my money back; I just wanna be with you. I didn't mean to say what I just said but I can't unsay it because it's true… Aaron."

Aaron heard Jackson called out his name as he closed the door in his face. He stood there shell shocked. Why had Jackson said that? He couldn't love him, not after everything Aaron had put him through!

There was a tap on the glass in the door. Aaron could see Jackson's silhouette leaning against it.

"Aaron, please don't freak out… let me explain… please… talk to me."

He could hear the concern in Jackson's voice but he couldn't face him, not yet so he ran upstairs into the bedroom, their bedroom as it had been, and shut the door.

Jackson saw the movement behind the glass, the dark shadow moving up the stairs. He wanted to bang the door down, shout and make enough noise that Aaron would have to come and speak to him but Jackson knew it would only make it worse. Aaron hated anyone knowing his business so bringing out the entire village by causing a massive scene wouldn't do him any favours.

Resigned that Aaron wouldn't open the door, Jackson headed for home. He was distraught. He couldn't blame this one on Aaron, this was all his doing. There was a reason Jackson hadn't told Aaron how he felt before and what had happened was exactly why. He knew he'd freak out. There had been so many times he'd come close to saying it, especially when they were on holiday, but he'd stopped himself fearful that this would happen.

As he got to his new lodgings, Jackson looked back towards the Smithy. He wondered what Aaron was thinking, how he was feeling. But then again he always wondered those things. Aaron kept his cards pretty close to his chest most of the time. Not like him, Jackson has always worn his heart on his sleeve and right now felt like he'd had his arms ripped off.

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Aaron watched Jackson walk away from the Smithy from behind the curtain. When he'd first shut himself in the bedroom, he had paced the floor desperately trying to make sense of what Jackson had done, what he has said and more confusingly why he had said it.

He was relieved he'd gone and Aaron threw himself on the bed, his head in his hands. It was all too much to cope with.

Aaron thought about the past few days. Mickey, Clyde's death and Jackson. He couldn't get his head round it! First Jackson dumps me and moves out; he forgives me after much grovelling; he pays off Mickey to protect me so he says and then to top it all off, says he loves me!

He loves me! That was harder for Aaron to deal with than anything else that had happened. He knew Paddy loved him, so did his mum, even Cain in his own mental way but he'd never expected someone like Jackson to feel that way about him.

He didn't deserve it, not with everything he'd done. How he'd messed Jackson about, punched him for god's sake. His moods, ruining his birthday not to mention his temper. What was there to love?

Aaron's thoughts were interrupted by his mobile ringing. He knew who it was without even looking at the screen. Aaron grabbed the phone and declined the call. Almost immediately it started to ring again. Aaron hit decline again. The ringtone sounded out in his head, confusing his emotions further.

He hated being without Jackson, he'd said that to his face yesterday, and normally he would be the one helping Aaron make sense of everything but today he was the cause of the confusion.

A text massage appeared on his phone. Aaron looked at the screen, hoping to find answers, but only discovering more questions.

Aaron had considered that he was in love with Jackson when they were on holiday, that's why he asked him to move in permanently so he could be sure. But it had never crossed Aaron's mind that Jackson would feel the same. Aaron thought Jackson only stayed around because there was on-one better around. Now he felt guilty for even thinking that way.

He took a deep breath and opened the text message.

_Please don't freak out, talk to me so I can explain. I'm not going anywhere till you do Jx_

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Aaron didn't respond to Jackson's text or any of his calls that evening or the following morning. Both lads had spent a restless night, each consuming the others thoughts and dreams.

Jackson had debated going to see Aaron but he knew it was pointless until he was ready, until he was prepared to listen to what Jackson had to say. He'd been avoiding his mum since he'd ran out of the café after Aaron and knowing she would be knocking on his door any minute, Jackson decide to take refuge in the pub and drown his sorrows.

Aaron had hid himself away in the back of the garage, keeping a low profile as well as one eye on the driveway in case Jackson turned up. He still wasn't ready to talk to him, to anyone really as the more he thought about everything that had happened, the more wound up he became. He'd nearly taken Paddy's head off that morning when he asked what had happened between them and suggested he talked to Jackson but Aaron was still unsure what to say.

It was nearly lunchtime when he heard the sound of someone walking up the gravel to the garage, his head snapping up from underneath the bonnet. For a second he wasn't sure if he was relieved or disappointed that it wasn't Jackson. As much as he didn't know what to say, he missed him and wished they could forget the past 24 hours and go back to when they scattered Clyde's ashes together.

Away from the prying eyes of the village, they had opened the casket and let the ashes blend with the breeze. Aaron had reached out for Jackson's hand as he said a final goodbye to Clyde before pulling him into a comforting embrace. He'd been so relieved when Jackson said he'd give him another chance.

As they held each other, Aaron kissed his boyfriend's neck. "I won't let you down Jay, I promise."

"I know" Jackson had said, his eyes fixed on Aaron's as they moved towards each other, sealing the promise with a kiss.

The last person he needed to see right now was his mum but there was no deterring her.

"Come on, Carl's off on a job and I've had to take an early lunch. There's nothing here that won't wait. Come to the pub with me, my treat."

He'd agreed in the end just to shut her up but when he walked into the Woolie and up to the bar, he spotted Jackson and Hazel in the corner. His heart lurched into stomach as he looked at Jackson, obviously upset but also quite clearly filling his mother in on the details of their fall out.

Why did he have to tell her everything! She was only going to start on him now. Before he knew it, his mum was ushering them to Jackson's table. He tried to protest but she ignored him.

Aaron couldn't look at him, couldn't speak to him. He didn't know if he could if they were alone but he most certainly couldn't with their mothers in tow.

When Jackson did finally speak to him, Aaron snapped an abrupt reply and made a swift exit. Once outside, he took a deep breath and headed back to the garage. Seeing him had only made Aaron even more confused and keeping his distance was the only way he could cope with everything right now.


	33. Chapter 33

Disclaimer: These characters don't belong to me, so don't make me pay for them!

Adam was parading round the living room showing off his new jeans. Aaron wasn't interested. His mind was elsewhere, about half way down the village to be exact, lodging with Suggers.

Sensing his best mate was wound up about something, Adam tested the waters by mentioning Jackson's name. Yes, quite clearly that was what was wrong with his mate.

"He just came over all serious!"

"Oh… how serious?"

"As it gets!"

"About you?"

"No about Paddy!"

Adam could see how rattled Aaron was, he's not stopped fidgeting since he got there. He knew Aaron didn't like talking about any relationship but Jackson was a very sensitive subject.

"And did you get serious back?"

Aaron sighed. "No I just kinda went off on one… I mean we're having a laugh, yeah and then he has to go and say that! Why couldn't he just keep his mouth shut?"

Adam was about to respond when Paddy came through from the surgery.

"Lads"

"Paddy" Adam responded, acknowledging Paddy's feeble attempt at a high five.

"How's it going?"

"Just peachy, how do you think!" Aaron had snapped back. Adam looked at Aaron and then Paddy.

Paddy rolled his eyes. "Good" he said before retreating into the kitchen.

"There's no need to take it out on Paddy, mate."

"I know, sorry" Aaron replied.

"So?"

Aaron looked at Adam. "So what?"

"He's got serious, you've freaked out, what happens now?"

"God knows" Aaron said rubbing his head.

Adam knew this move very well. It was a signature Aaron moved when he was stressed or confused.

"Well, how do you feel about him?"

Aaron got up from the settee. "I'm not talking about this with you!"

"Why not? I talk to you about Scarlet all the time."

"She's your girlfriend!"

"So! He's yours, well your boyfriend I mean."

Aaron rolled his eyes. "I don't know what to say."

"To me or to him?"

Aaron sat back down. "Both!"

"Aaron, I know you say you were having a laugh but honestly have you been? From where I'm sitting it's been one drama after another!"

"It's not been that bad" Aaron shot back defensively.

"I'm not saying it has but you've had more than your fair share of ups and downs. You obviously feel something for each other to stay together."

Aaron looked at his mate. Even though Adam was slightly younger than him, he always seemed much older when it came to these things. He could always make sense of the situation. He was the same after his suicide attempt and the court case, always helping Aaron see the way forward.

Knowing he had his attention, Adam decided to press on. "If I ask you a question, promise not to kick off ok?"

"Ok" Aaron said, wondering what was coming.

"What scared you most, mate? Jackson saying he loved you or you realising that you loved him back?"

"I'm not scared!"

"Really, then why haven't you spoken to him since he told you?"

"Because I don't know what to say!" Aaron was back on his feet, pacing the lounge. "After everything I've done, how can he feel that way about me? Honestly? He must be mad or have a death wish!"

"Is that it? You still punishing yourself about stuff and thinking you don't deserve to be loved! Mate, you need to sort this out. You keep pushing him away and eventually Jackson will be long gone. You don't want that do you?"

"No, he already knows that. I told him I hate not being with him more than I hate Mickey." Aaron's face turned red, embarrassed at what he had revealed.

Adam smiled. "Well thank god you are gay because if I'd used a back handed compliment like that on Scarlet, I'd have had a smack in the mouth."

Aaron half smiled. He knew it wasn't the greatest declaration but it was the best he could muster. He didn't find it easy talking about his feelings at the best of times let alone when he was trying to get Jackson to forgive him.

"Mate, I know this isn't easy for you to deal with, feelings and stuff, but from the minute he came back to the village , you've been there either trying to get him to forgive you for hitting him, getting him to be your mate, then your boyfriend. You organised everything with your mum, Cain and Paddy so you could go on holiday with him and then you asked him to move in with you. Are you sure you don't know what to say to him because I think you do but you're just scared of what comes with it!"

Aaron took in every word that his mate was saying. It was nothing he hadn't thought of himself. But thinking it is one thing, saying it out loud to the man you love is another.


	34. Chapter 34

Disclaimer: These characters don't belong to me, so don't make me pay for them!

Sorry it's taken so long for me to update – real life! This is set after Jackson walks out on Aaron in the pub and before the night out leading to the train crash

Paddy was pacing around the kitchen, trying to look busy when really all he was doing was waiting for Aaron to come home from work. He'd had no idea about the reason for Aaron's latest fall out with Jackson until Chas had filled him in that lunchtime.

He didn't know what had shocked him most. The fact that Chas knew or that it was that serious between the two lads, although they were noticeably closer since the holiday and Aaron had almost begged Paddy to let Jackson and by default Hazel move in on a permanent basis. You don't live with someone you're not serious about!

It was hard enough for Aaron to accept Paddy caring about him, loving him, but Jackson telling him that he loved him must have set Aaron reeling. Paddy knew he had to be careful how he broached the subject as Aaron wouldn't take kindly to his interference. But he'd been where Jackson was and knew exactly how he would be feeling.

The sound of a key in the front door made Paddy jump and he grabbed the kettle to make himself look busy.

"Hiya, do you want a cuppa? I'm just brewing up."

"Alright, yeah tea would be good" Aaron replied as he sat at the kitchen table and started to unlace his work boots.

Paddy dithered round the kitchen, making the tea and trying to figure out the best way to get Aaron to open up. He'd made the mistake of pushing him too far in the past and although Aaron seemed much calmer these days, mostly due to Jackson's influence, he still approached him with caution.

"Are you in for tea? I thought might make a chilli unless you and Jackson have got plans?"

"No, chilli's fine."

"Oh ok... unless you want something lighter... with you eating with Jackson at lunchtime."

At the second mention of his boyfriend's name in as many minutes, Aaron's head shot up and looked at Paddy sternly.

"Real subtle Paddy" Aaron said, rising from his chair. He grabbed his mug of tea and headed for the stairs. "Shout me when dinners ready."

Paddy sighed. He knew this wasn't going to be easy!

Aaron reappeared an hour later as Paddy was dishing up. He stood while Paddy spooned the chilli on to his plate, not making eye contact. The second Paddy finished, Aaron grabbed his plate and headed back towards the stairs.

"Stay down here please. I don't want upstairs stinking of this stuff."

"Only if you promise not to start!"

"What do you mean?" paddy asked innocently.

"Don't act dumb Paddy. You know exactly what I mean" Aaron snapped as he begrudgingly sat at the table with his dinner.

They ate in silence, each glancing up at the other occasionally. Aaron wasted no time, getting up from the table as soon as he put the last forkful in his mouth.

"Aaron, wait."

He turned to look at Paddy, folding his arms across as he leant against the worktop.

"I know what's happened between you and Jackson."

"What d'you mean?"

Paddy sighed: "I know he's told you how he feels about you."

Aaron stiffened, his face flushed with colour. "And how do you know that? It's private!"

"Your mum told me."

"My mum! And how the flaming hell does she know?"

"Hazel told her" Paddy said cautiously, quickly adding "I don't think Jackson was too pleased she blurted it out either."

Aaron shook his head. "Whatever goes on between me and Jackson is our business, no-one else's. Not my mum, not Hazel and not you!" He turned towards the doorway, heading back to the safety of his room.

Paddy got up from his seat. "Aaron, I know it's no one's business but I'm worried about you, about both of you. I've been where Jackson is and it's not a great place to be."

Aaron stopped and turned. "What do you mean by that?"

Paddy sat back down at the table, hoping Aaron would join him but he stayed leaning against the door frame.

"I knew when I was with your mum that she didn't love me. She liked me, cared about me even but she didn't love me the way I loved her. And when you realise that, it's horrible. You just feel so embarrassed and alone, which is probably how Jackson feels right now. But at least by being honest with him, you can either keep it light or if it's not meant to be, part as friends."

He looked at Aaron standing there, unsure of what he was thinking. There was an uncomfortable silence but Paddy waited for Aaron to speak, worried he'd said too much already.

Finally Aaron spoke. "Have you finished?" Paddy nodded.

"For your information, just so you can stop poking your nose, Jackson did tell me how he felt about me but I didn't say anything because… well because I was in shock but that doesn't mean that I don't have feelings for him. And for the record, me and Jackson are nothing like you and my mum."

"So how do you feel about him then? Because I bet he'd like to know even if you don't want to tell me."

"I don't know!" Aaron snapped, pacing the room.

Paddy watched him, seeing the confusion in his face as he tried to make sense of everything.

"You can talk to me Aaron if you are struggling to make sense of it all, you know. I won't judge or embarrass you."

"I know I can" Aaron said as he pulled out a chair and sat at the kitchen table across from the vet. He rubbed is hands over his head as he tried to work out where to start.

"The thing is I really don't know… when it comes to love and stuff" Aaron admitted looking embarrassed. "It's not like I've had anyone say it to me before, well except you and my mum but it's not the same."

"And now you've got over the shock, how do you feel about what he said?"

"I just can't believe it. I mean why does he love me? After everything I've done to him. Hitting him; all the stuff with Mickey; I mean I was surprised enough when he gave me another chance but this. I can't get my head round it."

"Because you don't think you deserve it?"

Aaron shrugged in response.

"And how do you feel about him? I'm not asking if you love him, I'm asking how you feel… you know when you see him, when he's not around and that."

Aaron thought for a moment before taking a deep breath. Paddy and Jackson were the only people he'd ever really opened up to. Even Adam only got so much of the story. But it was hard for Aaron to talk about his feelings at the best of times let alone bare his soul to his surrogate dad about his boyfriend.

Without lifting his eyes from the kitchen table, Aaron began to speak: "I want him here; I want to be with him. Like when he said he was going on holiday and that he was leaving me, I went to so much effort to sort everything out so I could go with him. I'd have been gutted if he said he didn't want me to go. I just hate being without him and he knows that. I've told him that much. I feel calmer, better when he's around. And he gets me, even if he doesn't agree with some of the things I do, he still understands me or will reason with me rather than having a go."

Eventually Aaron looked up and met Paddy's stare. "I don't want to lose him Paddy so what shall I do? Am I supposed to say it back so he doesn't leave me?"

"No, you should only say it if you feel it. But I think if you don't explain to him properly how you feel, where your head is at, he may think that you don't want him here at all and then he'll have no reason to stay in the village."

Paddy's final comment was Aaron's biggest fear. He'd seen the look in Jackson's eyes when he said the wrong thing at lunchtime. Aaron could have kicked himself for what he said and how he said it. The hurt on Jackson's face was plain to see, even for someone as emotionally defunct as Aaron.

Aaron left the kitchen and headed to his bedroom, lying on his bed staring at the ceiling. He loved lazing on this bed when Jackson was here but now it was just another reminder that he'd pushed his boyfriend away again. What Aaron needed to do now was to figure out how to make sure Jackson didn't get too far out of his reach altogether.


	35. Chapter 35

Disclaimer: These characters don't belong to me, so don't make me pay for them!

_If he dies, it's down to you; you killed him_

Jerry's words resonated through Aaron's head as he walked out of the hospital where he'd spent the past 18 hours and into the fresh air. He wasn't angry with Jackson's dad. Jerry had only said out loud what Aaron had been thinking ever since he'd reached the van and found Jackson unconscious and bleeding.

_I want you to walk out of here and never come near my son again as long as you live… or as long as he does._

As he crossed the road towards the taxi rank, Paddy walking closely behind him, Aaron silently vowed never to go near Jackson again if it meant he lived. This was entirely his fault. If he'd just been able to explain himself properly, get across how he felt better, than Jackson would have never driven off. If Aaron hadn't called his mobile to try and get him to come back, if he'd just let him drive away, Jackson wouldn't be in a coma and fighting for his life.

The thought of never seeing Jackson again, not looking into his deep brown eyes or seeing his stupid grin, made Aaron feel sick but if it meant he survived, Aaron would make the sacrifice. Plus would Jackson want to see him when he finally did wake up… if he woke up.

Paddy steered Aaron towards the first empty cab, almost physically putting him in the back seat like a policeman putting a criminal in the car. They returned to the village in silence, both men lost in their thoughts. Occasionally Paddy would glance over at Aaron, wincing at the pain etched across his tear stained face.

They pulled up outside Smithy Cottage, Paddy paying the driver as Aaron climbed out the car and headed straight to the front door. By the time Paddy walked in the house, Aaron was already up the stairs and in his room.

"Aaron. I'm going to make a brew and a sandwich. Do you want anything?"

Paddy's question was met with silence. The vet debated following him up stairs, to try and talk to him about the night's tragic events but in all honesty, Paddy was having trouble getting his head round everything himself. He still didn't quite understand how the lads had gone from being closer than they had been in ages to completely falling out to the extent that Jackson drove off.

Although he'd been occupied keeping his unwanted admirer at arm's length, Paddy had watched how relaxed Aaron and Jackson had been with each other in the club, happily shocked as he saw Aaron kiss his boyfriend in public. Something he thought Aaron would never do.

And now Jackson was fighting for his life, Aaron was racked with guilt and Jackson's dad was more or less accusing Aaron of murder – even though Jackson was still fighting for every breath. There was certainly was a lot for him to take in, let alone for Aaron who had seen the tragedy play out in front of him.

Upstairs, Aaron lay on the bed staring at the ceiling. The previous evening's events were playing over in his head, the ceiling acting like a projector as he pictured every second. The way they had smiled at each other, the banter they had winding up Paddy, and then the kiss they had shared.

Then he was standing outside the club and he saw him; Mickey. Jackson pleading with Aaron to walk away and the ultimatum that followed. His temper getting the better of him but Aaron finally seeing sense and tracking down Jackson. How angry Jackson was and how he ended their relationship. Aaron running to the van, pleading with Jackson to forgive him.

The drive in the van and the emotional outpouring that followed from them both. The van pulling away from Aaron and then the sound of brakes squealing. Aaron running towards the train tracks and the bloody mess that greeted him.

Another scene change and he was at the hospital, not understanding what was going on. The doctors and police running around before he faced Paddy, Hazel and then Jerry.

Aaron closed his eyes, hoping the images would stop but he could still see every second. He could also see Jackson lying in the hospital bed, wires hooked up to different machines while the larger tube gave him life. He looked so battered and bruised but then who wouldn't when they had been hit by a train.

Eventually the tiredness and emotion took hold of his exhausted body and against his will, Aaron fell asleep. His body may have craved the rest but the darkness only spurred his mind on as it began to distort the images of the evening's events.

He was back there, running down the lane towards the railway line, towards Jackson. He rubbed the tears out of his eyes as he ran as fast as he could. His feet pounded the road, feeling the impact of every step through his entire body. He seemed to be running for ages yet getting no nearer to Jackson. But the sound of the van veering off the road constantly getting louder and overwhelming him as he continued to race to his boyfriend.

Aaron rounded the corner, the level crossing coming into view, but there was no van. There wasn't any traffic in sight, just Jackson. He was standing on the train tracks, the barrier raised on the level crossing, watching Aaron run towards him.

He screamed out Jackson's name, shouting at him, begging him to get off the track as he continued to run to him. As he got nearer to Jackson, the barrier began to lower and warning lights started to flash. Aaron ran faster, shouted louder, urging Jackson to get off the railway line, knowing a train was approaching.

As Aaron reached the barrier and his eyes met Jackson's, his boyfriend finally spoke.

"I never had you" Jackson said staring at Aaron.

"You've got me" Aaron shouted, tears streaming down his face as he tried to lift the barrier.

And then it happened. The ground shook; the noise of the engine getting louder as the train sprinted past, taking Jackson with it. The train had gone and all that was left was Aaron standing there.

"You've got me" he yelled out again.

Aaron shot bolt upright on the bed, his own screams waking him from the nightmare.

It took a couple of minutes for him to understand where he was and what had happened. His body, still clothed from the night out, was ringing wet with sweat, while his head pounded.

A knock on his bedroom door brought him back to reality.

"Aaron, you ok?" Paddy asked through the door.

"Erm yeah… I'm fine"

"You sure? I thought I heard you shout."

"Just leave me alone. I'm fine" Aaron said knowing Paddy wouldn't believe him.

Paddy walked across the hall into his own bedroom but left the door open. He was concerned for Aaron and he was obviously struggling. Paddy was determined to see him through this, whatever happened.

Aaron lay back down on the bed, grabbing the pillow from the space next to him, the space that until a few nights ago occupied by Jackson. He held the pillow close to him. Aaron could smell Jackson on the pillow, needing that comfort and contact with his boyfriend that always managed to help calm him down. He wiped his face, once again wet with tears, and went back to staring at the ceiling.

He tried to stay awake but the reality of what had happened was even worse than Aaron's nightmare. There was no escape. Jerry was right. It was down to him and he'd have to live with what he had done to Jackson for as long as he lived.


End file.
